C++ Comments
(Note: I no longer have a C++ class, so I will now just be posting random things that I find funny.  I also no longer have high school.  Everything below the second double horizontal line is from C++; everything between it and the first pair of horizontal lines is from my senior year and is partially divided into sections.   Everything above that line is from this summer.  There is little doubt in my mind that soon a third set of horizontal lines will be added and collegiate quotes will go up.  But we're not there yet.)

    "Professional wrestling and politics - they go together like cookies and ass."
    --- Alex Yablon, via The Daily Show

    "All birds enjoy the Flax."
    --- Ana Boston (kiwi)

    "I've seen every Ernest movie - all six."
    --- Sean Horan

    "You ever shoot a hackysack at a wall with a potato gun?
    It disappears in a puff of rice and hemp."
    --- Sean Horan

    "D'you ever wonder how many ping-pong balls on average a guy would have to stick
    down his trousers before people noticed there was a sizeable bulge? ... The answer's 32."
    --- Elliot Goblet

    "Don't send it to Yahoo! and send it back, or I'll send you to Yahoo!"
    --- Mr. Mullin

    "Redd, your extensive knowledge of pornography never fails to astound and frighten me."
    --- Matt James

    "This was supposed to be transparent."
    --- Sam Prest, during a presentation on the overhead

    "I'm getting about 116 out of 400 points right now, so I'm doing a lot better than I thought."
    --- Jeff Milton-Hall, on his history grade

    "No, it's not a montage."
    --- Jenny Gordon, asked if the project she and Brady Beach were helping Mike Garea with
    was a "Topless Women in Television" montage

    "I just pretend to be stupid in front of Redd.   But I'm actually not."
    --- Jenny Gordon

    "Hey Robert, know your weapons."
    --- Qawi Telesford

    "Robert loves writing quotes."
    --- Qawi Telesford

    "Would you be more afraid of an angry cat or an angry dog?"
    --- Qawi Telesford

    "What happened to all the meat?"
    --- Gilbert Dussek

The Mr. Palma Quotes Section

    "In the real world, everything is bliss."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Everywhere you go is math.  'No!  It's only third period!  I go to Columbia High School and I get
    abused.'  No, it's everywhere."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "It's the X-Files: negative volume."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "If you're [a] Liberal Arts [major], or you're undecided, which is just an eyelash away from Liberal
    Arts in terms of scheduling, the calculus is worse."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "There's no math in the real world.  It's just calculus here third period."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Do I know how z is changing?  'Mr. Palma, that's what we're trying to find out!'  Right!"
    --- Mr. Palma

    "If you're a fan of the circus, it's the thing the elephant puts his foot on."
    --- Mr. Palma, talking about either a trapezoidal solid or the "Chunky" candy bar

    "If there's another snow day, you guys'll have to come here in April.  You guys will have to come here. 
    I'm gone.  My vacation is paid for."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "If you get zero for the area under a curve, it's the wrong answer, but it's party time."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Transcendental functions!  We lower the lights and light some candles when we do that chapter."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Did I miss an announcement this morning?   'Today we're switching axes?'  I don't have a homeroom,
    I don't know."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Are we burning down the gym today?  A big bonfire inside the gym?  This administration would do that."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "This calculus stuff works!  Maybe I'll teach it again next year."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Number eleven is a trig problem that might come out to be a natural log, because it's on
    the natural log worksheet."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "I don't hire subs.  If I hired subs, I'd bring Santa Claus in here, a few other people... because
    they'd be all jolly and bring presents, and everybody'd be happy."
    --- Mr. Palma

    "Who took the chalk?!"
    --- Mr. Palma

    "I need yellow chalk!  I can't find yellow chalk!"
    --- Mr. Palma

The "Matt Gline is Bad at Quiz Bowl" Section

    Question: Is amber animal, vegetable, or mineral?
    "Animal!  It comes from a plant!"
    --- Matt Gline

    Question: What is the world's largest kind of warship?
    "Idol worship."
    --- Matt Gline

    Question: Who was the first man to walk on the moon?
   "Louis Armstrong."
    --- Matt Gline

    "Matt, aren't you supposed to know logs?"
    --- Alex Frankel

    The AP Biology Quotes Section

    "I saw Wishbone once!  I was sick and had the TV on.  He was so cute!
    He was Robin Hood, I think."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "Apparently, spicy foods affect the sphincter."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "You don't even have to worry about getting into an altercation with another rat."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "This has a real milky sap.  Don't touch it, don't eat it... don't stick it in your eye..."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "I wouldn't call it a mechanism, but you could certainly call it a mechanism."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "I don't want to eat these carrot sticks!   They're obnoxious!"
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "It's like putting your little flag up and going, 'I want cholesterol!'"
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "When in doubt, it's the liver."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "That would be fine if you were an endocrinologist, but you're not."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "Never put ginger root in your Jello."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "I want you to think of this fish as a stick of butter."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "I want you to think of the enzyme as a feather bed."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "We couldn't live without steroids."
    --- Mrs. Hershey

    "Can I have seven gallons of auxins?"
    --- Bryan Mills

    Older Random Quotes

    "I should live on Smartley Street!"
    --- Leslie Prentice, seeing a street sign for Swartley Street

    "Harding probably died of embarrassment."
    --- Mr. DeVita

    "If it's not a problem, don't fix it.  If it is a problem, kill the bastards."
    --- Mr. DeVita

    "They left the nipples off the list."
    --- Mr. DeVita

     "This is sort of the Carnival Cruise Line of American Literature, brought to you by Hellman's, the Real Mayonnaise."
    --- Dr. Young

    "You're competing with that bass speaker I still hear in my head.  'Car Wash' is what I'm hearing right now."
    --- Dr. Young

    "This goes back about 1100-1200 years, this poem.   It's a little bit older than I am."
    --- Dr. Young

    "Joaquin equals moron."
    --- Joaquin Cotler

    "Duffy and Murphy: the Irish Mafia."
    --- Anonymous

    "Tagalongs are like a little round orgasm in a red box."
    --- Jack Tamburri

    "You are the most sexually repressed person I have ever met!"
    --- Lauren Kitchen to Jack Tamburri

    "I can't believe you ate the last of our foreplay!"
    --- Lauren Kitchen

    "Sorry I can't come up with any jokes."
    --- Zach Klein

    "I have nightmares about Ezra.  He hasn't done a damn thing this period except... I can't say what I'm thinking. 
    What the hell, you're a man of the world.  He's so fixated with Michaela!  He doesn't know what he's doing!"
    --- Mr. Binder

    "I don't listen to myself.  I just rant and rave."
    --- Mr. Binder

    "Where are all the women?"
    --- Andrew Klein

    "I've been Jarred!"
    --- 12 year old girl

    "When in doubt, bring out the maggots."
    --- Doc Hershfield

    "Qawi, shut up and work."
    --- Doc Hershfield

    "If somebody takes an axe and chops off one of my buttocks, I'd be like, 'Take 'em both, man!  I don't want to be a freak!'"
    --- Ezra Klughaupt

    "Yo gi go ro do."
    --- Mr. Binder

    "I thought you were going to do something constructive today, like write another story about Michaela."
    --- Owen Baker to Dave Alexander

    "I thought all the moons of Jupiter were named after women that Jupiter f*cked."
    --- Owen Baker

    "There they [Gilbert Dussek and Sally Warner] were, locking lips for about ten minutes.  Oh, and feeling each other up and
    down.   While Gilbert groaned.  And while she groped him."
    --- Chris Fulda (and he was there)

    "I'd rather you tell them what I did to Mrs. Ayres."
    --- Gilbert Dussek

    "Some of my best friends live in Kosovo."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "Maybe you're all in on it."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "I haven't gotten my Britney Spears wallpaper yet."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "Make sure you wear aprons and don't swallow chemicals."
    --- Doc Hershfield

    "Mr. Binder is very old school."
    --- Ezra Klughaupt

    "Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus fly-trap.  The fly-trap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only
    has little tiny plant teeth.  But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition."
    --- Jack Handey

    "You can't be thinking about the squirrels chasing you on the way home from school, and pin this down."
    --- Mr. Binder

    "I woke up this morning and I said to myself, 'Today is the day I'm going to pass a pointer as a reference parameter!'"
    --- Robert Flaxman

    "I'm so queer."
    --- Gilbert Dussek

    "There's so much I don't know about astrophysics.   I wish I'd read that book by that wheelchair guy."
    --- Homer Simpson

    "I misunderstood her.  It's not my fault she speaks French."
    --- Robert Flaxman

    "Tonight's forecast: dark.  Continued dark through the overnight, turning to partly light in the morning."
    --- George Carlin as Al Sleet

    "Pay attention to me.  I am the most fascinating thing in the room."
    --- Doc Hershfield

    "I fell asleep at 4:40 yesterday.  And then when I woke up, I built myself a sandwich.  And then I fell asleep again."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "Did that take place in Zuwunga?"
    --- Scott Perez-Fox

    "God is so predictable."
    --- Owen Baker

    "You better snag yoself a post on da ding dong trolley, yo."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "The suspense is terrible... I hope it lasts."
    --- Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"

    "When food meets optical storage, it's bad.   With a capital D."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "I think deeply about spoons.  And the forks, OHHHHHH!  Hello, Friday!  What pills do you bring for me?"
    --- Dave's dad

    "A dry cell is dry in name only; there's a moist paste in there.  But a wet cell is definitely wet."
    --- Doc Hershfield

    "I got a free diskette!"
    --- Owen Baker

    "This subwoofer is freakin' HUGE, man."
    --- Robert Flaxman

    "What the hell?"
    --- Owen Baker

    "You want some orthonormal bases?"
    --- Owen Baker

    "Bend over: I'll show you root access."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "I'll show you a Netscape plugin - bend over."
    --- Dave Alexander                                                                    

    "I bet if you buy this hat they give you a free bowl of soup! ... Oh, but it
    looks good on you though."
    --- Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack

    "Ah-buh-dah-buh-duh."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "I live in Bjarne City. A donut truck comes every day, and refreshes us."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "As even the most dimwitted individual with an advanced degree in hyperbolic
    topology could tell you, Homer has crossed over into the third dimension."
    --- Professor Frink                

    "Le Mall est une succession d'espaces verts au coeur de Washington. Il
    s'étend du Capitole au Lincoln Memorial en passant par les musées du
    Smithsonian Institute, la Maison-Blanche, le Washington Memorial et le
    Jefferson Memorial. Le mur sur lequel sont gravés les noms des soldats
    tués pendant la guerre du Vietnam se trouve à l'extrémité ouest du Mall."
    --- Larousse French Mini Dictionary, on The Mall in Washington, D.C.                                                           

    "Take the Valium, for Chrissake."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "Programs are 95% comments and 5% perspiration."
    --- Owen Baker

    "Programs are 95% comments and 5% secret spy stuff."
    --- Dave Alexander

    "He's not going to sue his own mother. ... Well, he's not me."
    --- Harrison Ford as Linus Larabee, "Sabrina"

    "The Republicans have a 'me too' candidate running on a 'yes but' platform,
    advised by a 'has been' staff."
    --- Adlai Stevenson

    "Gilbert is the root of all evil."
    --- Ancient Gaelic Proverb

    "The tormenting dilemma of the Middle East is this: either we have one
    people too many, or one state too few."
    --- Afif Safieh

    "The justice system moves swiftly, now that they've abolished all the
    lawyers."
    ---Christopher Lloyd as Dr. Emmett Brown, Back to the Future Part II

    "We got more gongs than the break-dancing robot that caught on fire."
    --- Homer Simpson

    "'Huckleberry Hound', 'Chief Wiggum', 'Yogi Bear'? Hah! Andy Griffith,
    Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney."
    --- Alex Rocco as Roger Meyers Jr. on "The Simpsons"

    "Woo-hoo! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma anymore!"
    --- Dave Alexander

    "Truth, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. You believe what you choose
    and I'll believe what I know."
    --- Kevin Spacey as Jim Williams, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil"

    "Speak softly and carry an armored tank division."
    --- Jack Nicholson as Col. Nathan R. Jessup, "A Few Good Men"

    "Gigantesque incendie qui détruisit une bonne partie de la ville en 1871. Selon la
    légende, ce serait la vache de Madame O'Leary qui, renversant une lanterne dans son
    étable, amorça le feu. L'incendie ravagea 20 000 habitations et fit 100 000 sans-abri."
    --- Larousse French-English Dictionary, on the Chicago Fire

    "Some of us have great stories, pretty stories, that take place at lakes,
    with boats, and friends, and noodle salad, just no one in this car."
    --- Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall, "As Good as it Gets"

    "La nuit du 31 octobre est, selon la coutume, la nuit des fantômes et des
    sorcières. À cette occasion, les enfants se déguisent et font le tour des
    maisons du quartier en menaçant leurs voisins de leur jouer des tours s'ils
    ne leur donnent pas d'argent ou de sucreries (c'est le «trick or treat»)."
    --- The Larousse French Mini Dictionary, explaining Halloween.

    "Communism was just a red herring."
    ---Lesley Ann Warren as Miss Scarlet, "Clue"

    "Dave Alexander is one cool guy."
    ---Robert Flaxman

    "One cannot be betrayed if one has no people."
    ---Pete Postlethwaite as Kobayashi, "The Usual Suspects"

    "There's nothing that can't be done."
    ---Stephen Baldwin as McManus, "The Usual Suspects"

    "A jealous man in love doesn't know what he is doing, especially if he has
    been whipped by the Inquisition."
    ---Voltaire in "Candide"

    "Debug faster!"
    ---Dave Alexander

    "We accept the reality with which we're presented."
    --- Ed Harris as Christof, "The Truman Show"

    "I'm what they call 'nouveau riche,' but then, it's only the 'riche' that counts."
    ---Kevin Spacey as Jim Williams, Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil

    "If you look around the table and you can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."
    --- Paul Scofield as Mark Van Doren, "Quiz Show"

    "I hate Gilbert."
    --- Robert Flaxman

(complete as of 23 January 2002)