How to Write a Dan Brown Novel in 15 Easy Steps

I like Dan Brown. But he does tend to write according to what we might call "formula." Don't believe me? Check out the 15 steps you can use to write a novel just like Dan:

1. First, start the book with somebody dying, preferably at the hands of a shadowy figure who wants something mysterious (example: Brophy being tossed out of the helicopter after being forced to relay a strange radio message in Deception Point).

2. Make the plot center around a race against time to stop something devastating to a particular organization from happening. It should require a lot of scientific knowledge to do this. (The "race against time" part is very literal. At least once, actually have some form of countdown. For example, the shouted times during the attempt to disarm the worm in Digital Fortress.)

3. The plot should somehow involve either a secret society (the Illuminati, the Priory of Sion) or a secretive government organization (the NSA, the NRO).

4. There should be a side plot that remains more or less unconnected to the main plot until right at the end, when suddenly everything comes together in a giant collision of plot strands. (Bishop Aringarosa's involvement in The Da Vinci Code, for example.)

5. At least one of the main characters should have had some childhood experience that makes them afraid of something they will have to encounter during the story. (For example, Langdon's claustrophobia when he gets stuck in the Vatican Secret Archives in Angels and Demons.)

6. There must be at least one big chase/fight scene involving some or all of the main characters and the mysterious assassin(s).

7. There must be at least one puzzle that takes the characters significantly longer to solve than it takes the reader to do so. (The fact that it takes more than two sentences for the characters to realize they're looking at da Vinci-style backwards handwriting in The Da Vinci Code, for example.)

8. There should be a surprise family revelation of some sort, either involving characters minimally important to the plot (Numataka is Tankado's father in Digital Fortress) or just not being all that important to the plot in the first place (Sophie Neveu's grandmother and brother are still alive in The Da Vinci Code). If you decide not to go this route, make a family connection one of the key subplots of the novel (Rachel Sexton's father, with whom she does not get along, is running for president in Deception Point).

9. Make sure you have a lot of chapters. Anything less than 100 is probably not enough.

10. The main male character should be an academic, either a teacher (David Becker, Robert Langdon) or a scientist (Michael Tolland).

11. The main female character should work for the government in some capacity (Susan Fletcher, Rachel Sexton, Sophie Neveu), or just be really goddamn smart (Vittoria Vetra). Usually she is smarter than the male character, which should be referenced in the text ("Sophie Neveu was much smarter than he was," for example).

12. There must be a shadowy assassin (or group thereof, as in Deception Point) who is working for the bad guy. He must not know who the bad guy is, making it easier to similarly conceal the bad guy's identity from the reader.

13. Whoever is the biggest jerk in the story and made to look guilty will end up being a white hat (Greg Hale in Digital Fortress, Marjorie Tench in Deception Point, Max Kohler in Angels and Demons, Bezu Fache in The Da Vinci Code).

14. Whoever is the friend or mentor of the main character will end up being the bad guy (Strathmore in Digital Fortress, Pickering in Deception Point, Leigh Teabing in The Da Vinci Code). If such a character is unavailable, then the least likely suspect will do (the camerlengo in Angels and Demons).

15. Now, end the book with the protagonists doing one of three things: having sex (Digital Fortress, Deception Point), preparing to have sex (Angels and Demons), or making an appointment to have sex (The Da Vinci Code).

Congratulations! You need only change your name to Dan Brown and you too can have a spot on the best-seller list.