IAQ: Infrequently Asked Questions
Because there's not really any such thing as a frequently asked question around here.  Just to extend things, I'll include questions that sometimes get asked of me in person as well, and all that sort.  Blah blah blah.

Question: How long has this site been around?

Answer: BigFlax.com opened sometime in the latter half of 1998.  The domain name itself was a birthday present (and my birthday is at the end of August, so there you go), and rather a step up from the kind of pages I'd been operating previous to that, like members.aol.com/Bulls70WR/robs_all_new_home_page.html, which are not only ghastly to type in but having been created through AOL were fairly limited in a number of ways.
    The page was really fully operational on December 11, 1998, and since then has expanded itself from the same old crap that was on my old AOL pages to bigger and better things.  The newest page format (with dated entries) began on June 1, 2000.

Question: Who the hell are you?

Answer: I'm Robert Flaxman, webmaster at BigFlax.com, Northwestern University graduate, and current Chicago resident.

Question: Why "Big Flax?"

Answer: Well, "Flax" comes from "Flaxman."  As for "Big Flax" itself, it's just a nickname I got in the TV studio in high school that happened to stick.  Unlike most of the rest of my family, I go by Flax most of the time these days.

*NEW!* Question: Who are you to claim the moniker "Big Flax?" (1.11.06)

Answer: Uh, someone with Flax in his last name and who was given the nickname in the distant past (see above).  Is more really required?   This is a question I actually got in an e-mail recently from someone with the last name of Flax (I won't post his first name), who seemed irritated that I happen to have this domain.  I guess this qualifies as the first-ever piece of BigFlax hate mail.
    Anyway, 2006 will mark the tenth anniversary of the "Big Flax" nickname, which not only makes me feel ridiculously old but I think gives me plenty fair claim to use the nickname for my own purposes as I see fit.   What do we think, I've been cybersquatting for seven and a half years in the hopes that eventually some total nobody who also used the nickname "Big Flax" for himself would want it and have to pay me the big bucks?  It's a name that's been associated with me for a decade, I got here first, deal.

Question: I'm a stalker.  Got pics?

Answer: If you were as good a stalker as you say you are, you'd be sending me licentious e-mails.  (Please?)  Anyway, why yes, I do have pics.  If the one that's plastered onto every button isn't large enough for you, here it is at its full size.

Question: Will you go out with me?

Answer: This is actually the question I'm asked most frequently in real life.  The answer is, only if you are hot.  To find out if you meet the criteria for hotness, click here.

Question: Was that last question entirely wishful thinking?

Answer: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.

Question: Did you know you're going bald?

Answer: Did you know you should shut the fuck up?  People seem to like using this as a joke, like "ha ha, bald guy."  Here's a friendly tip: most men suffering from male pattern baldness do not like to be reminded of it, least of all in a quote humorous unquote fashion.  Rogaine and a thousand other products and procedures do not exist simply because they can; they exist because men are incredibly vain.  I'm not so vain as to use such things, but if you bring up my hairline people will start referring to you as "that person who used to walk upright until he pissed off the bald guy."

Question: Why is every goddamn thing on this page about you?

Answer: Because it's my web page.  I suppose it might make sense to put up things for other people to read, but basically I just read it and chuckle at the fools who wander in, expecting non-Flax content.
    That's actually not entirely true.  I've always tried to put up things that other people might enjoy, the enjoyment usually consisting of seeing stupid things they said get published on the web for millions of people to mock.  Failing that, I run some manner of interactive shit - the forum, the Bowl Challenge, and the NCAA Tournament Challenge.  And I try to keep things as funny as possible, so at least you might giggle a bit while reading something monumentally mind-numbing like how far it is to each one of my classes (note: I only did this once, please stop giving me shit about it).

Question: This website blows.

Answer: That's not really a question, but I'll deal with it anyway.  Who are you, and why are you here?  Anyone who knows me (the way normal people get here) should be able to find at least one thing slightly relevant to or featuring them (people seem to get a kick out of this, go figure).  If you don't know me, and you traipsed in here through some search engine, wouldn't you leave as soon as you figured out I didn't have information on whatever you were searching for (much less any porn, you dirtball)?  And if you did decide to stick around, is that me wasting your time, or just you making a bad decision?  Anyway, I think you'll find that of all the websites on the Internet that have absolutely no worthwhile content to offer to 99.999% of the world's population, this one at least has the best spelling.

Question: Seriously, though, don't you think you should get a hobby?

Answer: This is, by far, the stupidest thing that has ever been said to me - and it actually has, just so you don't think I'm making this up for kicks, though I'll withhold the name just in case they still read this page.  All together on three: 1... 2... 3:
    THIS IS MY HOBBY.
    What did you think, I was getting paid for this?  Are you insane?  No, seriously, are you typing on your keyboard through the wall of a padded cell?  Furthermore, if I were to be getting paid for this, wouldn't it be in my best interest to get a lot of content up anyway?  And it's not like I don't do other things - I collect baseball cards, I watch TV, I... well, shut up.  The point is that this is a hobby.  So telling me that I spend too much time doing this and need to get a hobby... well, you just can't get much dumber without generations of inbreeding.

Question: I'm one of your oh-so-clever friends, and I'd like to add a question you can smarmily respond to.  Can I do this or will you yell at me?

Answer: Ideally, both.  To actually ask an IAQ, or if you don't know me and want to know more about me or the site, e-mail me.