Mini Golf Course Reviews

Diversey Miniature Golf (Chicago, IL)

A fairly pedestrian course, Diversey offers little in the way of real obstacles, though its frequently contoured greens can present a significant challenge, especially on a couple holes where there is a ridge directly behind the cup, behind which it is possible to get stuck.  The few obstacles on the course are mostly scattered rocks, though the 17th hole also offers a challenging approach shot over water.  The real problem of the course lies in the scattered woodchips that make their way onto the greens from the surrounding park; it's nearly impossible to clear them all out of the way of a given putt, and they can potentially alter a shot that might otherwise have gone in.  There are some positives, though, such as often favorable rolls directly around the holes, and the cups hold the ball well for retrieval.  At any rate, it's a passable time filler.  Grade: 5/10

The Green at Grant Park (Chicago, IL)

If you're looking for a course that pretty much defines the word "unplayable," look no further.  It's not just the lack of walls, or the speed of the turf, or the ridiculous green contouring - it's all of those combined, plus the nine dollars (!) it costs to play.  The par is 42, which might make sense if that were on nine holes, or on one hole, but no.  You'd have to be a perfect putter to even think of approaching par on this course... and even then you'd probably have to play it a couple times first to get used to it.  On #7, I hit the hole and still ended up in the sand trap, which really about says it all.  Even when the greens can be read, it's very difficult to get the ball to do what you want; I read it perfectly on #11 and still ended up ten feet past the hole.  If it weren't for the cost I might be able to say I'd played a more problematic course, but factor that in and it's pretty much impossible to recommend this to anyone.  Grade: 1/10

Pier Park Mini Golf (Chicago, IL)

The scorecards at Pier Park read "Golf: Game of a Lifetime" at the top, which is oddly serious for a place that doesn't even have a publicized par.  We had to invent our own when I played it; not that you need par to have a good time, but it's fairly unusual not to have one, and it's hard to define a course as "playable" or not unless you have that.  The greens are certainly quite fast, but aside from that it's not too bad, just boring.  The Navy Pier website boasts a "Chicago theme" on the course, but that's confined to the hole number signs; the holes themselves are just contoured-turf affairs, with the only really interesting hole design-wise being #4, which features a water hazard to the right side and a jump over water in the middle of the hole.  All the rest are either "straight with contouring" or "dogleg with slightly less contouring," pretty much.  It's nothing too bad and it's certainly reasonably cheap given the location, but ultimately it's pretty bland and the lack of effort shows.  Grade: 4.5/10

Mountain View Mine (Des Plaines, IL)

There is no doubt in my mind that this course is harder than it should be.   Kudos to them for working with the mine theme, but a lot of times it seems to add up simply to putting rocks in the least convenient places on the course.  Obstacles are fine, but what's the point of having holes where there's no clear shot at the cup, especially with a par of two on most of them?  The green contouring is also ridiculous in places, and holes #5 and #18 in particular involve preposterously hard uphill shots; it's a wonder anyone ever manages to par those holes (I imagine someone has).  There's just too much going on for the course's own sake; you can't load up on both obstacles and contours and expect your holes to be awesome to play.  A general lack of readability on the greens doesn't help a ton either.  It's not so hard as to be totally unplayable, but it just seems like you'd need a perfect game to even approach par.  Grade: 4.5/10

Putt-Putt Fun Center (Elk Grove Village, IL) - Course 1

First of all, this is the world's most depressing mini golf course.   It's nestled into the middle of what is otherwise a mostly industrial area; it has no theme, so it basically just looks like 54 straightforward holes were just plopped down; it was almost totally empty in the late afternoon on a Saturday in summer; and it just generally looks kind of run down and crappy.  Course 1 is purportedly the "easy" course, but I noticed minimal difference between it and the Intermediate course.  In general, the holes are either very easy or way too hard for a course where every hole is a par-2.  You could argue that Putt-Putt prides itself more on the geometric aspect of the game than anything else, but you could also argue that (a) that's kind of boring and (b) the average mini golf does not care about the geometric aspect of the game as much as Putt-Putt does.  No wonder the number of locations has been dwindling.  Anyway, it's a pretty quick course to play - especially with no one else around - but at par 36, it's much harder than it should be and far more depressing than anyone should like.  Grade: 4/10

Putt Putt Fun Center (Elk Grove Village, IL) - Course 3

Pretty much all the same complaints for the "Easy" course, Course 1, apply to this, the Intermediate course.  Too many holes where there is basically no shot at a hole-in-one (if you're going to make the par of every hole 2, you have to allow for birdie chances), too many greens where the cup is on a slope, making it five times harder to get the ball in, and just in general a sterile, unappealing, somewhat depressing setup.  Oh, and the turf is kind of crappy, too.  These aren't the worst courses in the world or anything, but they're certainly not exciting and the "Fun Center" in general is kind of anything but.  Grade: 4/10

River's Edge Adventure Golf (Highland Park, IL)

There's nothing particularly adventurous about this course, which combines the blasé and the annoying in similar fashion to the Diversey course.  Most of its obstacles are simply strategically placed rocks, with green contouring making up the rest of the challenge.  It even has the same low par - 21 out, 21 back - and, if anything, is even tougher.  The cups aren't great, as their setting is too smooth and causes balls that, on another course, might fall into the hole to slide past.  With only six par-3s and holes-in-one hard to come by, birdies are rare, making breaking par a tall order, especially when it's hard to get a favorable roll around the hole.  It's playable, but it's not really worth going out of one's way; any course closer to you will surely be at least as good.  Grade: 4.5/10

Congo River Adventure Golf - Congo Falls Course (Hoffman Estates, IL)

A solid course with a decent theme.  The carpets are well-kept and, with one possible exception, all of the holes are exceedingly fair and playable.  Par is perhaps a shade on the low side at just 40, but it doesn't seem unreachable with a good effort, thanks to the course's accessibility to even less experienced players.  There are a couple things that could be improved - the cups are too shallow in some places, for starters, and the walls are useless for caroms because of their unpredictability.   But even with that, it's very fun, nosing out its sister course by virtue of being a little less reliant on holes that require one putt and a lot of luck.  Grade: 8.5/10

Congo River Adventure Golf - Congo Rapids Course (Hoffman Estates, IL)

The Rapids course lives up to its name, featuring more in-play water than its Falls counterpart, including on two consecutive holes at one point.  This no doubt makes it a blast for all ages, even if the water does little other than guarantee that everyone's ball is likely to end up in the same place.  The good parts to the Falls course are in evidence here as well, although some of the same problems apply; some of the cups are overly shallow (in fact, the depth is not consistent across either course) and there are perhaps a few too many holes reliant almost exclusively on the luck of the draw after hitting one's first shot into the appropriate general area (a hole in one on a water hole, for example, is determined more by mere fate than by anything in the player's control).  That said, it's accessible to most, and fun to play, although the gimmicky water holes aside, I think the Falls course is a little more fun.  Grade: 8/10

Congo River Adventure Golf (Kenosha, WI)

If nothing else, the course designers committed to the theme, with waterfalls, African-themed decor, and even a small water area on the 18th hole where a current carries your ball down to the green.  The hole designs themselves are not particularly innovative or challenging, and the same few elements get repeated a lot - an enclosed green (3, 5, and 10), a high curvature in the fairway (4, 6, 8, 12, and 15), and tiered greens (14, 16, and 17) represent a large portion of the course design.   Still, it's a pretty appealing course and certainly quite playable - Alma and I combined for five holes-in-one on five separate holes in our very first time out, and I shot seven under despite having no previous acquaintance with the course, which should say something for its accessibility.  Its somewhat out-of-the-way location also seems to keep it less crowded than a similar course might be; even at 7:30 on a Friday night, we never had anyone coming up behind us or a noticeable wait for the next hole.  Grade: 8/10

Cozzi's Adventure Golf (Lake Zurich, IL)

The scorecard promises "miniature golf with a tropical flair," which I guess is scorecard-speak for "one fiberglass volcano chilling in the middle of the course."  Apart from that, it's a relatively attractive course - there's plenty of water and (non-tropical) foliage, though perhaps too much foliage in some cases as a couple holes had a lot of leaves on them.  The par is a bit low - just 40 - but at least very few of the holes can be considered ridiculous; the turf is decent in most places and the contouring is never too severe.  The cups are a bit old and the chipping at their edges makes hard-hit shots bounce away; on one hole, the shot designed to be the hole-in-one shot bounced away for both me and Alma after hitting the hole first.   The scorecards could use some more thought, as they don't tell you the par for individual holes or even by the nines, just the total.  They also don't specify course rules, though they do - almost surreally - encourage players to eat hot dogs and ice cream while on the course.  Ultimately an average course at best, but the above-average ambiance bumps it up a notch.  Grade: 6/10

Par King (Lincolnshire, IL) - Red Course

Probably the slightly better of the two courses at Par King, the red course features many similar holes to its partner but is better manicured.  The Sears Tower hole (#15) is not quite as fun as Downhill Racer (#8), but both offer solid amusement with their elevators that carry the ball up to around ten feet in the air before letting it roll down towards the hole.  The 18th provides the biggest problem, as it forces players to rely on luck rather than skill, hoping that a potentially good round won't be submarined by a flukish 6 or 7 on the card.  On the other hand, there is the potential for a free game.  Altogether a very enjoyable course with many fun holes to play.  Grade: 9.5/10

Par King (Lincolnshire, IL) - Black Course

Very similar to its red counterpart, the black course is a little less enjoyable, especially on the front nine, due to the growth of foliage in many places that is probably caused by the black course playing around the outside of the park, while the red course plays inside of it.  The famous roller coaster hole (#7) is probably the hallmark of the entire place, however, as the ball can be hit into an elevator which eventually sends it on a 30-second ride around the coaster's ramp before dropping onto the green.  The roulette wheel is as problematic here as it is on the red course - which is to say, only slightly.  If there were not so many bushes, this course would probably be equal to its partner.  Grade: 9/10

Putting Edge Fun Center (Lincolnshire, IL)

To be fair, I'm just not a big fan of glow-in-the-dark mini golf.   It's disorienting, you can't see problems in the carpet until they affect your shot, and even I rarely get so hard up for mini golf that I feel a pressing need to play it indoors during the offseason.  So with that in mind, I guess Putting Edge is just fine as glow-in-the-dark mini golf goes.  Most of the holes are well-kept, although there were a few carpet issues on the back nine, and the layout and par keep the course challenging while enabling good players to reward themselves with under-par scores (as long as they can get used to the environment).  That said, it's kind of ironic to find a mini golf place that apparently doesn't do great business when it's nice out - the kid who answered the phone when I called said that the first really nice day of the year was keeping people away.  Of course, when the weather gets even nicer, there's even less of a reason to go, as Putting Edge happens to be right across the street from Par King, only the best overall course in the Chicagoland area, in my estimation.   Ultimately I can't give Putting Edge that high a grade as mini golf courses overall go, but since even the best glow-in-the-dark course would probably only get a 5/10 from me, I think it's a compliment to say that Putting Edge is fine for what it is.   Grade: 4/10

Novelty Golf (Lincolnwood, IL) - Course 1

A solid course with a relatively high par (50) that allows for the holes to be a bit more demanding without players feeling like they're getting robbed.  A couple holes are perhaps overly difficult.  The common hole features a couple possible plays, with a foursome having opportunities to see every possible path for a ball to take.  Very fun overall.  Grade: 7.5/10

Novelty Golf (Lincolnwood, IL) - Course 2

Though the holes are different, pretty much identical to its partner in terms of overall difficulty and enjoyment of play.  Grade: 7.5/10

Twin Links (Mount Prospect, IL) - North Course

A strong course that's nearly on a par (no pun intended) with Par King.  While not as jaw-dropping in its design, it has a good mixture of straightforward holes and holes with obstacles that combine for a reasonably low par (43) that is nonetheless not impossible to achieve (in fact, I shot two-under on my first go at the course).  A few holes feature metal "volcano cups" which are significantly more difficult than hitting into a regular cup; though certainly not impossible, they can be rather annoying.  Aside from that relatively minor complaint, though, Twin Links offers a course that is both fun and eminently playable.  Grade: 9/10

Twin Links (Mount Prospect, IL) - South Course

Nearly identical to its partner, with many holes being virtual mirror images of those on the other course in a similar fashion to Par King's course similarities.  May feature a couple more volcano cups than the other course, which is slightly annoying but hardly devastating.  All in all, an equally fun time to its companion.  Grade: 9/10

Pioneer Park Mini Golf (Niles, IL)

The theme is a little weak ("sports!") and the par a little low, but the course is plenty playable.  It meanders through a decent-looking area, and features most of the more interesting basic elements of miniature golf, including water, holes with jumps, and other small touches.  The turf is smooth without being too slick, what you would hope for from a fairly new course (it's a couple years old at most).   My biggest complaint would have to be the par-3 holes; whereas on most courses, par-3s are just the longer or more contoured holes, Pioneer Park all but ensures that only a supremely lucky shot is ever going to sniff an eagle.  In most cases there isn't even the faintest shot at the hole and one is forced to lay up.  This isn't the worst idea ever, but with only four par-3s on the entire course and few of the par-2s able to be described as "ace-happy," it would have been nice to see a few more concessions towards runs at par.  The course is typical of most park district courses in that way; it's as if they're worried that a course with a reachable par would tarnish their reputation.  Grade: 6.5/10

Traveler's Quest Adventure Golf (Skokie, IL)

A scandalously low par of 40, considering the course design.  Holes in one are exceedingly difficult to come by; even birdies are elusive, especially on the back nine where the last seven holes are all par-two.  Many holes feature a multi-tiered series of greens with funneled holes on the top tiers, but unlike most courses where such a setup exists, it is difficult to get the ball to go down the funneled holes with a single shot because the funnels are so shallow, unless the shot is impeccably hit (and if you're trying to reward perfection, why have funneling at all?).  "Shallow" is indeed the watchword here, as the cups have the same problem; on occasion a well-hit ball will pop back out after dropping into the hole and rebounding off the bottom.  A number of the greens have two possible cups as well, something of a copout.  The 17th is surely the most difficult hole on the course: an uphill shot under a fiberglass elephant that takes over nearly the entire hole.  Assuming one can get within striking distance of the cup, one will find that it is located on an uphill slope inside the mouth of a plastic hippopotamus, and it's even harder to get the ball to stay than usual.  The course design is solid and attractive, but that appears to have been the main focus of the creators; the obstacles and hole design in general need to be rethought.  Grade: 3.5/10

River View Miniature Golf (St. Charles, IL)

River View can't seem to decide at whom it's aiming its course.  On the one hand, a significant number of the holes have two cups, which has always struck me as kind of a lame copout and aimed more at children.  On the other hand, it's kind of a hard course, with a sizable number of obstacles and green contouring not necessarily befitting its par.  Almost none of the holes have any serious hole-in-one potential, but the couple that do are almost too easy about it.  The turf and cups are acceptable, but the stone walls are perhaps a little too generous in their deflections.   It's a reasonably appealing course on the shore of the Fox River, but it could play better.  Grade: 5.5/10

Lighthouse Miniature Golf (Waukegan, IL)

At first the par of 50 seems high.  14 of the 18 holes have pars of three, giving most of them solid potential for a birdie.  The course generally lacks obstacles; instead, most of the difficulty comes from the contours on the fairways and greens.  In most cases these are nothing too difficult, though when they are they are too difficult.  The fifth hole, in particular, is just ugly, as the green slants down away from the hole onto a lower elevation.  So anything short will roll back, but the carpet makes it tough to attack the hole as anything that doesn't go in will either deflect back down or, even worse, bounce back towards the tee.  None of the other holes is as unplayable as this one, though there are a couple (9 and 15 in particular) that are tough to play without any prior experience.  In general it's a low-stress course, though, and it looks great - hidden away behind the clubhouse, it's like walking into someone's backyard and finding a mini golf course in their garden.  The foliage is nicely manicured and there is plenty of water running throughout the course (mercifully, it's never in play).  The course itself may be neither especially hard nor especially awesome, but it's a nice little experience.  Grade: 6.5/10

Coyote Crossing Mini Golf (West Chicago, IL)

The first thing I thought of when I saw the scorecard was how insanely low the par was - with a total of 37, every hole is a par-2 save for one (the 13th).  The course layout is passable, though pedestrian; scattered rocks comprise most of the obstacles, and the greens are surprisingly hard to read.  The biggest complaint I had with the setup was the style of cup they went with; like the ones at River's Edge in Highland Park, the edges are too smooth, causing balls that might drop into the hole on most other courses to slide well past.  Birdies are, obviously, almost impossible to come by without acing a hole, so even approaching par is pretty difficult, which while not a deal-breaker can be somewhat annoying.  It's a very clean course, though, and generally playable (even if not in relation to its own ridiculous standard).  Grade: 5.5/10