Ten Things I Hate About Q(B)
Let's be realistic. There are people in quiz bowl we all don't like, for various reasons. As part of a whatever kind of kick, I've decided to catalog my ten least favorite types of people. Probably most of us have actually done something like this at some point, so this is in some ways more of a "Don't Do" guide for the future than rampant hypocrisy. Anyway, there's only about one thing on here I've ever done. This is also not entirely an "individual" list; there's some team stuff too.
10. The Team that has No Right to Beat You
Okay, this one's sort of a joke and doesn't really refer to an individual or
team. It refers more to a packet, one that causes a team that you could beat on,
say, a normal NAQT packet at least nine times out of ten, to pull out a low-scoring
victory. This is usually a partial combination of the questions that are answerable
finding their way into the other team's few specialties with a lot of stupid negs out of
frustration on your team's part. The Team that has No Right to Beat You
also makes a lot of appearances in CBI, where a team you'd destroy on an NAQT packet gets
to answer curved yellow fruit questions (the variable point bonuses don't help either).
9. The Bonus Whiner
One of three people on the list who are terribly annoying during bonuses. I
had to put this one kind of low because I will sometimes do this myself, and then usually
during TRASH. Acceptable things to do during bonuses: mention ONCE, "I would
have 30d this." Once at the beginning and once at the end is borderline, but
under no circumstances should it be said more than twice. Mouthing the answers to
your teammates, or writing them down, is okay - saying them out loud with the moderator if
the other team doesn't get them is beginning to push it (I do this sometimes and I
probably shouldn't).
8. The Know-It-All
This is the guy who tries to make you look stupid by suggesting that the answer
should have had more underlined and garbage like that. That can occasionally be
passable, but the Know-It-All's worst feature is his insistence on proper
pronunciation. It's sort of okay when the moderator is tripping over a word that was
inexplicably not given a pronunciation key, but anyone who, after hearing the other team
give a right answer, says, "It's actually pronounced [slight vowel modification on
original word]" deserves to be strangled.
7. The Guy Who Bitches Out His Teammates
Occasionally this can be funny to watch. More often I just feel embarrassed
for the rest of his team. They're not making these mistakes intentionally,
pal... this guy must think he's Kid Gleason and the rest of the team is the Black Sox.
If they neg - particularly when he knows the answer at some point - he yells at
them, like if this was a one-man team he'd be undefeated. If you knew, why didn't
you beat them in, and if you didn't know yet, what's the problem? One thing I
definitely don't do is give people a hard time for negging - because I know how
dumb you feel when you do it. Just move on to the next tossup. It's always
refreshing when this guy negs four or five times in a match and the rest of his team just
rolls their eyes.
6. The Guy Who Resorts to Physical Violence When He Negs
You just rang in early, got the question wrong, and got a neg five! What
are you going to do? "I'm going to slam my hand on the desk really
loudly!" There are few things worse than watching someone neg, then start to
beat himself up (literally) as the rest of the tossup is being read and he figures out the
right answer. It's distracting and monumentally inconsiderate to the other team,
much like...
5. The Loud Team
If it's not your bonus, you can whisper to each other if communication is
necessary. But talking amongst yourselves - particularly at or close to normal
volume - is just bad. It's distracting to the other team and it's even more
inconsiderate than beating yourself up during the rest of a tossup. Just don't do
it. Everyone hates this.
4. The Team that Protests Everything
Much more common in high school, this tends to be common with teams that also
have The Jackass Coach. These teams take the game so seriously that
they won't concede anything (think about how annoyed pro golfers get when six-inch putts
aren't conceded in match play) to your team without a fight, and will protest anything
even borderline on either side. At one ABC (Academic Battle at Columbia, my high
school's tournament), Millburn and East Brunswick played each other. The two were
already rivals, and East Brunswick had a Jackass Coach, so, as I recall,
no fewer than one-third of the questions had some sort of dispute. EB's JC
was so upset with being on the losing end of a couple protests at the tournament that he
swore not to bring his team back - and didn't, not that this really bothered us.
3. The Condescending Moderator
All I'll say about this one - it's a lot easier when you've got the answers.
There were a couple times at JrBird when the guy looked at me like I was an idiot
after I made some guess once the question was done and no one had any idea. Both
times I wanted to shoot a crossbow through his face. Don't ever laugh at the people
you're moderating for - it's terrible form, and again, it's a lot easier when you've got
the answers. (At the very least, don't do it to their face. I have to add this
because Leah will probably read this and point out that I was mocking a couple of high
school teams for combining for seven tossups in a round at Wildcat '01. I should
mention that it was less mocking than simply surprise, although some mocking was involved.
Either way, it wasn't to their face.)
2. The Guy Who Makes Fun of the Other Team
An even worse version of #3, and our final "bonus offender." Not
only does this guy know the answer, but if you don't, you're going to hear about it.
"That's so easy!" It's one thing if this is whispered to a
teammate; when it's said loud enough for the whole room to hear, this is offensive.
Also bad is saying "Defense!" This is something your team says when
0ing a bonus the other team seems to have wanted - you don't say it about another team's
0ing of a bonus that you want. It's called etiquette; look into it.
1. The Unclean Team
Well, duh. I mean, what, are you all allergic to water? These people
are covered in sweat and/or dandruff and clearly haven't bathed in days. Teams can
be disgusting for other reasons (cf. the Kentucky guy who showed, and I am not
exaggerating here, about five inches of ass-crack at Ann B. Davis last year), but the ones
who don't shower take the cake. I'm just glad to play for one of the cleanest teams
in all of college bowl (and to contribute to that myself).