Quiz Bowl Quotes

This section used to be part of the regular quotes page.  Now it isn't.

    More quiz bowl dual quotage:
   At the All About Me tournament, Drew moderated a question asking for the location of Justin's high school.
    Colby: "1076 West Roosevelt Road."
    Drew: "I would have accepted 'Chicago.'"

    "And by 'big bucks,' I mean Jack Sikma and Brad Lohaus."
    --- Tyler

    "Shannon, you are one awesome person.  If only you weighed more, you would be two awesome people."
    --- Jan

    "I look like I gave Manute Bol a hummer."
    --- Jan, washing off his magic marker mustache

    Quiz Bowl dual quotage!
   It is a well-known fact that Jan spends quiz bowl trips trying to get quoted.
   Flax: "There was a shirt that said 'A pot smoker gets busted every 45 seconds - and you wonder why we're paranoid.'"
    Jan: "A pot smoker gets busted every 45 seconds - and you wonder... dude, your hat's moving!"
    Flax: "[laughs] That was pretty good, actually."
    Jan: "How good was it?"

    "That's if you're a family of cows."
    --- Drew's comment on the $7.19 "family size" cheese curds menu option at Culver's

    "There's such a double standard!  Just because they help poor people..."
    --- Mike, on ASB keeping A-status while we lost it last year for doing mostly off-campus programming

    "I should just say the answer and whoever buzzes in and says it back to me first gets points."
    --- Andy, on a really easy CBI question

    "Hose in every area code!"
    --- Colby after a truly heinous CBI question

    "Someone call one of their cell phones.  'Drive through water, and we'll follow closely behind you.'"
    --- Andy, driving behind the other van, trying to figure out a way to clean the windshield with no wiper fluid

    "If not, I do have the Oxford Book of Essays."
    --- Drew on activities if he forgot to bring playing cards

    "Name these lame things I'm thinking of, for ten points each."
    --- Drew

    "There should be an extra panel on every strip with the joke."
    --- Drew on "Mutts"

    "Comics aren't always about laughter, you insensitive block of a man."
    --- Jan to Drew

    "This is like the episode of 'Fresh Prince' where Will does speed."
    --- Jan

    "I wish my arms were longer so I could take a decent picture of my ass."
    --- Mike in typical form

2001-02 year

    "I didn't trust our cereal because they had those big bins that people could, like, drop chiggers in."
    --- Selvey on the disreputable SAGA cereal at 1835 Hinman

    "I hate to break it to you, but you're an Asian girl."
    --- Jan, to me

    "That reminds me of something funny about your penis."
    --- Selvey to Jan

    "Oh my God, my first official duty!"
    --- Shannon, outgoing secretary, on counting up the votes for this year's Mike vs. Jan secretarial race

    "Jan, go get me a scone."
    --- Selvey

    "I never get tired of watching Lee Harvey Oswald get shot by Jack Ruby."
    --- Tyler on his fascination with the History Channel

    "There aren't thirty people I hate that much."
    --- Colby after an ad announcing a prize of a party for 30 of your closest friends catered by White Castle

    "What I did was not stalking under Illinois law."
    --- Colby

    "Orrington Lunt?  I don't even know her!"
    --- Jan

    "Good people, bad negs."
    --- Jan

    "Come on, man, that'd be fucking money.  We'd get home an extra hour late... yes!"
    --- Mike after Jan warned Andy not to accidentally get off onto I-290 on the way back from CUT at 3:30 am

    "Whenever I imagine him, I just imagine George Costanza."
    --- Jan on the impression he got of Marc based on Drew and me talking about his actions

    "Gimme the biggest donut you got and a bottle of Lowenbrau."
    --- Selvey, at Krispy Kreme

    "It tastes like the can!"
    --- Selvey on Sapporo Reserve, malt liquor imported from Japan

    "Every Judge is like a unique and special snowflake."
    --- Jan

    "Critique of Pure Bullshit?"
    --- Jan, suggesting an answer during a Wittgenstein bonus once we'd choked the first part

    "What with these four dimensions of flavor, I feel like I've eaten a hypercube."
    --- Jan on Taco Bell's dubious new ad campaign

    "I'm just saying - colon lane is a one-way street."
    --- Selvey

    "You were born in a state park?  Was your mother a bear?"
    --- Selvey, after a tossup mentioned the state park containing the Adirondacks and Kate said she'd been born there

    "Are they Chinese, or just idiots?"
    --- Selvey, after Jan mentioned that his friends were throwing a party for Chinese New Year

    "I'm a college student.  I don't have the money for a decent blow job."
    --- Jan

    "Me, Jan, and Mike together... that gets to be homosexual in a hurry."
    --- Selvey

    "I don't need to get a DVD player, I've got a Flaxman."
    --- Jan on my movie quoting on the way back from Michigan

    "It sounds like you said 'Deflator Mouse.'  Is that like some kind of econ superhero?"
    --- Jan, after Selvey said "Die Fledermaus"

    "But CBI, what are you going to do?  'Name this curved yellow fruit.'  Bzzt.  'Golda Meir.'"
    --- Mike on why ACF produces so many more bad negs than CBI

    "It seriously tasted like wet squirrel."
    --- Jan on eating rabbit

    "There are no points, Colby, only shame."
    --- Jan (after a "Duckman" tossup)

    "Soft core?  Is there any other way to go?  Except hard core?"
    --- Selvey

    "The amateur porn plan is back on."
    --- Selvey

    "I'm not driving later, I'm going to have too many OH groups in me."
    --- Selvey

    "Trust me, if you wrote it for ACF and it's not about bigflax.com or your family members, it's not too hard."
    --- Jan, to me

    "I have to kiss Jan with tongue."
    --- Leah

    "For a quick ten points, give the moderator a hummer."
    --- Flax's suggestion for an Ann B. Davis "action tossup"

    "I'd like to give someone a Punjab."
    --- Selvey

    "Someone is... ready to hear the next part of this bonus."
    --- Jan, moderating

    "I'm taking you to NAQT Sectionals, Turk.  You're gonna be my bitch."
    --- Jan to John Turk
    Note: Pete insisted on reading this when I wrote it down even though he had just heard Jan say it.

    "We have pulled out our pimp stick."
    --- Mike

2000-01 year

    "A little cock is good for you."
   --- Leah

   "All your cars are belong to crash."
   --- Flax on U of C's pileup on the way back from NAQT Sectionals

    "And everyone would see it and wonder, 'What sort of mad genius did that?'"
     --- Jan

    "Blow me, Iowa
    Salt your fucking roads, you bitch
    But your cops are hot"
    --- a haiku by Marc Bauer

    "I think I could be pretty good at that, erotic writing."
    --- Rob

    "Denny's is too expensive."
    --- Tyler