TRASHionals at University of Tennessee-Chattanooga, 4/17-18/04
Results: Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate (Northwestern)
(Mike Bisberg, Colby Burnett, Robert Flaxman, Justin Moles)
Tyler is probably my favorite quiz bowl teammate ever,
with the exception of Alma at Duck Bowl, so I was none too happy not to have him around
for TRASH anymore. That and he's, you know, good. We did about as well without
him at Regionals as we had previously done with him, though, so I wasn't worried at first.
Then we got put in what, even before having played the teams, clearly
appeared to be the toughest group of three round robin divisions. In other
divisions, 3-6 was good enough for fifth. In ours, we finished eighth. Out of
ten. Not exactly comparable to last year. I think we would have done better in
either of the other divisions, though - the top two teams in our bracket ended up being
the teams that met for the final, and we lost to both of them by just 75, which is not
even two tossup-bonus cycles (providing you 30 the bonuses, of course).
Still, things worked out as well as they could have after that
beginning. We went 4-1 in the playoffs to finish at .500, and we also won the
undergraduate title. (Perhaps I should not point out that all of three teams were
contending for it. We put the wood to the only other team that was near us for it,
Jason and the Toronto Argonauts, so I don't feel bad.) I also was the top
undergraduate scorer (there were more than three), putting up my best TRASHionals average
yet with an even 40 points per game in 14 games. TRASH only credited me with 36 and
change PPG, which may have been through the round robin only (in which I put up 37.78),
but it's not like it's a surprise that stats might get messed up. That was still
good enough for eighth overall. In 2002 I made top ten when I was credited with more
points than I had (38.33 instead of 36.00); this year I made top ten despite being
jobbed. So no worries.
And in other good news, the drive was surprisingly not bad, considering
I did all 18-plus hours myself. It was 615 miles each way. We went so far
south we actually swung briefly into Georgia on a bend in I-24.
Oh, prizes. For being top undergraduate scorer, I received four
books in William Shatner's Tek War series (well, the children have to learn about Tek War
sooner or later), and for being #8 overall I got a pack of indoor soccer trading cards and
a book of Jimmy Stewart poems, which is exactly as hilariously awful as you would
expect. I also got a Xuxa video as part of our undergraduate team title. TRASH
should just start calling their awards ceremony "Mark Coen Helps His Cousin Clean Out
the Basement."
Favorite Tossup: I got the Fastball - The Way audio tossup off
the opening static (not like it's a CD I own or we listened to on the way down or
anything), as well as nailing the American President audio tossup off one line (not like
it's my #2 movie or anything). The Haddaway - What Is Love was my third audio tossup
and was amusing because they said "Name this 90s dance hit, title and artist"
and I thought "the only artist I know is Haddaway for What is Love" and then
that was it, and I was in immediately. I also psychiced (that's not a word) the Jolt
tossup, which started "Flavors of this include" and I thought "Hmm, how
about Jolt" and then they said Orange Blast, at which point I was immediately in.
Other good buzzes: Lacuna Incorporated, Troma, A Life Less Ordinary, Barbie and Ken,
Diet Rite, The Dreamers, Broken Lizard, Quizno's, Vijay Singh, Dan Brown (this time I
didn't even need a book title), Underworld, Pit.
Favorite Bonus: I never seem to write these down at
TRASH. I mean, it's TRASH; 30s abound. The Homestar Runner Halloween costumes
one was good, I guess, since I had written a bonus just like that for my HR packet.
Worst Neg: I only had two. Ben-Hur for All About
Eve pissed me off more; they started by saying that it tied Titanic for most Oscar
nominations at 14 and I reaction buzzed. But as soon as I said Ben-Hur (which had
the most wins), I knew what it really was.
Most Annoying Moment: Losing our playoff bracket to
Tia and TRASHmen - whom we beat - when we ended up in a circle of death and apparently
lost on total points. Not like we needed any more crappy prizes, I guess, but still
a bit irritating.
More Psychicness, But Not the Good
Kind: For some reason, before the Tia round we were discussing the directors
packet at Duck Bowl, on which I had gone 23 of 24 but been stopped short of the perfect
game by Otto Preminger, who I didn't know well enough. I said, "Watch, it's
going to come up again and I'm not going to get it." A bonus comes up about
name the director of these noir classics. #1: The Third Man. Me: "Carol
Reed." #3: Touch of Evil. Me: "Orson Welles." Between
that, however, was #2: Laura. Me: "Hmm, I don't know... Hitchcock."
Olmstead: "Otto Preminger." Rest of Northwestern: *howls of laughter*
Hooray: I got to see Alma all weekend since Loyola got
a spot in the field too. We even played them on Sunday. It's nice to win the
undergraduate scoring title, but it's even nicer to get kissed for it. And I mean,
by your girlfriend. Alma was also very close to winning the Title IX scoring award,
but like me at Regionals, she led most of the way before being overtaken at the end, which
is disappointing.
Funny How That Works: Last year, Charlie Steinhice's
Spork team was the only one we beat in the playoffs; this year they beat us in the round
robin (though only by 75) and proceeded to win the title.
Why'd They Stop?: They didn't give out a Glorious Neg
award this year, for reasons that escape me. Biz would probably not have won, but
his buzz of "Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest" for "PGA Championship"
would probably have been listed.
Round Robin (Pussy Galore Division)
Round One: Burial of Count Orgasmo
300, Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate 215
Round Two: What Would Jesus Do For a Klondike Bar? 305, Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate 230
Round Three: Is Wayne Brady Gonna Have to Choke a Bitch? 340, Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate 180
Round Four: Wooden Toys Your Kids
Will Hate 250, OFB Blue 200
Round Five: Shonen Spork 290, Wooden
Toys Your Kids Will Hate 215
Round Six: There's No I in Pachymeter 300, Wooden
Toys Your Kids Will Hate 200
Round Seven: Behind the 9-Ball 250, Wooden
Toys Your Kids Will Hate 165
Round Eight: Wooden Toys Your Kids
Will Hate 430, Brandeis Ephedra-Free 35
Round Nine: Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate 210, The Barbecutionists 190
Prelims Record: 3-6 (eighth place, Pussy Galore division)
Playoffs (Dalton Division)
Round One: #P7 Behind the 9-Ball
235, #P8 Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate 195
Round Two: #P8 Wooden Toys Your Kids
Will Hate 320, #K7 Tia and the TRASHmen 225
Round Three: #P8 Wooden Toys Your
Kids Will Hate 290, #K8 Dead Celebrity Montage 120
Round Four: #P8 Wooden Toys Your
Kids Will Hate 255, #O8 Loyola, Loyola Gone
Scrolling Back 115
Round Five: #P8 Wooden Toys Your Kids Will Hate 255, #O7 Jason and the Toronto Argonauts 80
Final Record: 7-7 (20th or 21st out of 30 teams)
Personal Stats: Questions Answered
No one's asking you to care about it. Powers would be in bold if they existed in Trash, neg-5s are in italics with the real answer following. Anything in plain text was just ten. Audio questions appear in red.
Round One
1998 NBA Draft (really 1996 NBA Draft)
Anthony Minghella
In the Year 2000
Fastball - The Way
Lacuna Incorporated
Round Two
Girl You Know It's True
William Mapother
Cappuccino
Round Three
XM
Arsenal
Troma
Round Four
Kevin James
Left Behind
Errol Morris
Lou Holtz
Round Five
A Life Less Ordinary
Barbie and Ken
Ben-Hur (really All About Eve)
Dubble Bubble
1919 Cincinnati Reds
Round Six
The American President
Diet Rite
Round Seven
Will It Float?
Bad Santa
Jean-Claude van Damme
Round Eight
The Dreamers
Red Bull
Broken Lizard
John O'Hurley
Amway
University of Oregon
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Round Nine
Mad, Mad House
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
Howard the Duck
John Ratzenberger
Branford Marsalis
Round Robin PPG: 37.78
Playoffs Round One
Antonio Fargas
Sofia Coppola
Quizno's
It Happened One Night
Michael Bluth
Playoffs Round Two
Jesse Palmer
Lawrence Frank
Leo McGarry
Vijay Singh
Playoffs Round Three
Dan Brown
Sun Bowl
Autoerotic asphyxiation
Underworld
Top Gun
Playoffs Round Four
John Stallworth
Pit
I Get a Kick Out of You
Playoffs Round Five
Haddaway - What is Love
Mycroft
Jolt
Priory of Sion
Barbara Hershey
Playoffs PPG: 44.00
Total PPG: 40.00