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August 30, 2000

   My birthday was yesterday, so I am now officially 18 years old.  (Huzzah.)  I successfully matched the Big Game number on my first lottery ticket, along with one other number, which I think means I won two bucks or something (I'll have to go and check that out tomorrow).
    In related news, I leave for college in 16 days.

August 28, 2000

   With the new NFL season due to begin this coming weekend, it's once again time for predictions.

August 27, 2000

   One of the coolest beverages in the world is undeniably Jolt Cola.  Boasting "twice the caffeine" of any regular caffeinated soda, Jolt is the indie king of the beverage wars.  I can't find it in too many places - the first place I ever legitimately saw it was on the Cornell campus.  Since then I've seen it in a total of two other stores, though I have a feeling that I'll be seeing more of it as I head off to college.
    Anyway, I was out in Pennsylvania yesterday and was at the only supermarket I've ever been to that carries the stuff, Clemens.  Jolt is apparently now made in five flavors - Original Cola, Cherry Bomb, Citrus Climax, Orange Blast, and White Lightning (or White Lightnin', as Jolt's website refers to it).
    Sensing a Crystal Pepsi moment (I liked that stuff!), I picked up a bottle of White Lightning.  I drank it this morning (so as to minimize the caffeine's effect), and the flavor stumped me.  The others all have counterparts - Coke or Pepsi, Cherry Coke or Wild Cherry Pepsi, Mountain Dew (or Mello Yello... ha), Minute Maid or Sunkist.  But I don't know what White Lightning is exactly.  It's sure not clear cola, like Crystal Pepsi was.  There's something vaguely fruity about it, perhaps grape - which might explain the purple in the wrapper.  But it's not the kind of grape you'd get from Welch's, say; it's more what you'd get out of that Canada Dry ginger ale that has a little grape juice added to it for flavor.  Regardless, I thought it was pretty good.

    But what I found amusing was another product that Wet Planet Beverages, Jolt's parent company, makes.  It's called DNA.

    What is DNA?  The Wet Planet website defines it thusly: "A refreshing combination of clear spring water, natural fruit flavor, with an alcohol level of 5%."  Bad grammar aside, one thing is clear: DNA is alcoholic water.
    According to Wet Planet, "this wild child of alcoholic drinks will hijack your imagination."  Furthermore, "you don't have to understand it.   Just get on the ride."  Elsewhere, the drink is described as "pure water that's lost its innocence."
    Apparently, "alternative alcohol products have been the rage of lifestyle cities around the world."  DNA itself is an "'Australian original,'" and Wet Planet urges you to "go for it... with a vengeance!"
    Give me a second here.

    WHAT?  Alcoholic WATER?  And so aggressively marketed, too... the DNA front page is, apart from the DNA logo and bottle, eight slogans, as if that was all they really thought of first.  "In order to capture the market, we need SLOGANS, people!"  And people around the table slowly raised their hands.   "What about 'DNA will hijack your imagination?'"  "Good, good, anyone else?"  "Uh... 'Go for it?'"  "Hmm... needs more."  "I got it: 'Go for it... with a vengeance!'"  "I like it!  Any other ideas?"  "What about 'Just get on the ride?'"   "Good, good... you know, I can't decide which one I like best.  Let's use them all... in the same place!"
    I guess since the marketing campaign is probably supposed to appeal to alcoholics who are tired of the same old buzz, it doesn't really matter what they say beyond the words "alcoholic spring water."

August 24, 2000

   Well, almost as soon as I posted the update about the Christian propaganda in my guestbook, it disappeared.  If you try the link now, FortuneCity tells you that it can't find the page you requested, or whatever it is that they say.  I guess I'll leave it in my guestbook, since it's no longer promoting God to everyone, although there's really even less point of having it in there now.  I'll just say that if one day it's not there anymore, don't be all shocked.

    By the way, my birthday is this coming Tuesday (the 29th).  I'll be 18, which means I can legally... vote.  And play lottery games!   It's all good.  Send me some money.

August 20, 2000

   Mr. Mullin, my television teacher at the high school, has the habit of leaving hilarious messages on Redd's answering machine.   Redd recently sent me nine of them.  For more, click here or see the "Mullinisms" button at the top of the page.

August 20, 2000

   The latest entry in my guestbook is an interesting one: it simply reads "Hi!  We found your guestbook to sign.   Please stop by and visit our home page."  Now, I have no idea who this is, so I go to the link (which reads "the last place you would look on the Internet") to see what it is.
    What it is is a page that has nothing on it but ten Bible passages.   That's definitely the last place I'd look on the Internet.  What exactly is the point?  Are these people trying to make converts or something by planting messages in random people's guestbooks to visit their homepage so that they can see all this Jesus stuff?  I fail to see how anyone is ever converted to another religion.  "You know, Jesus loves you."  "He does?  Man, I've been going about this all wrong!"
    Get your laughs now, because Christian propaganda will not be long for my guestbook.

August 12, 2000

   From the "Incredibly Amusing Sports Plays" Department: last night, the New York Giants and Jacksonville Jaguars met in a preseason football game.  The Giants led 13-9 with just seconds to play, but with Jacksonville mounting a desperation drive.
    Jaguars QB Jonathan Quinn threw the ball towards the end zone, hoping it would be caught.  And it was - by rookie Giant cornerback Fred Lewis.  All Lewis had to do, with seven seconds on the clock, was go down, and the game would be over.   At least that's what Jack Golden thought.  Golden, another Giants rookie, thought that Lewis needed to go down.  So he tackled him.  He tackled his own teammate.  There was one problem with that.  He knocked the ball out of Lewis' hands.
    The ball went to the back of the end zone, where it was recovered by Jaguars fourth-string tight end Brandon Christenson for a touchdown.  Score?   Jacksonville 16, New York 13.  Game over, drive home safely.
    You can't tell me that's not classic.

August 1, 2000

   As my July 31 update said, I have the pictures from my trip back, and I have transcribed large amounts of my journal.  You can go to the Trip Overview and work forward a day at a time, or you can follow the quick links I have here.
    Newark/Los Angeles: Day One
    Auckland: Day Three | Day Four
    Rotorua: Day Five | Day Six | Day Seven | Day Eight | Day Ten
    Hamilton: Day Eleven | Day Twelve
    Brisbane: Day Fourteen
    Couran Cove: Days Fifteen and Sixteen
    On the Road: Day Seventeen | Day Eighteen
    Sydney: Day Nineteen | Day Twenty | Day Twenty-One

    You can also read about some of The People who were on the trip with me.

July 30, 2000

   Jet lag sucks.

    Just like Thursday/Friday, I was up all night again Saturday/Sunday, due to my inability to get to sleep (though as I write this at 11 am I'm starting to feel tired - but going to sleep now would mess me up only further).   Staying up all day Friday didn't seem to help, as I slept until three on Saturday and haven't since.
    Well, at least this all-nighter wasn't wasted: I wrote a Simpsons fanscript.  For those of you who don't know what that means, you can visit The Simpson Fanworks Central and go to the part that says "Scripts."

    Anyway, here is the fanscript I wrote.  I'm calling it "Lisa the Prophet," which sounds mundane but is actually much like many of the titles on the show (such as "Lisa the Iconoclast," "Lisa the Simpson," "Lisa the Beauty Queen," etc.), and besides, I can do that if I want to. 
    P.S. If you attempt to claim you wrote it I will hunt you down like the dog that you are.  Enjoy!

There's more! View last month's updates.

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This page last updated: Wednesday, February 20, 2002 08:12:45 PM