Cola Test 2007: Results

We tested 17 brands of cola in the taste test.  (Also, as you will see, there were some "wild cards" for comparison purposes.)  Below are the results for each of them; results are ordered by the blind letters they were assigned, i.e., the order in which they were tested.  A table organizing the results by "best" is linked at the bottom.  Scores range from 1 to 5, with 5 being the best and half-grades in play.  The numbers talked about in the individual capsules refer to the average of scores given by Drew and myself unless otherwise noted.

Samples A through E sit on the counter, waiting to be tested.

A: RC Cola

RC was the third major brand in the 1980s Cola Wars, so you would probably expect it to be a decent entry.  And in fact that was about all we saw it as.  I gave generally average scores and said that it "hits like a cola but seems weak once it gets to the back of the tongue."  Drew compared the flavor to Coke but noted the "front-heavy smoothness" and "weak aftertaste."  Still, it got mid-range scores overall.
Grades: Aroma, 4; Fizz, 3.25; Smoothness, 3.25; Flavor, 3.25; Overall, 3.25.

Drew and I summon our best prepared looks in the moments before the test begins.

B: Market Pantry (Target)

One thing I think we learned in this test is that cola flavor is more widely variant than we would have suspected.  Case in point, the Target house brand, which is a generic cola in appearance if you know what it is but which we thought was perhaps more exotic.  Drew mentioned "curious flavors" and a taste that "grows on you," although he called it "ultimately unsatisfying," while I found it to be "weak at first, but with a heavy herb sting at the back of the tongue."
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 3; Smoothness, 3.5; Flavor, 2.5; Overall, 2.5.

Drew considers the latest sample.  "Yep, smells like cola."

C: Cricket

I've always been suspicious of this cola, which is sold only at Potbelly that I've ever seen, because of the label touting its green tea content.  As it turned out, this was for good reason.  Drew and I both loathed the taste, which barely even resembled cola at all.  The aroma smelled like "plant matter" and I noted "tea" and "little to no cola taste," guessing (correctly) that it was Cricket.  Drew found the taste "hideous," declaring "that'll require a lot of bread," and writing in his notes that it was like "an Arnold Palmer gone awry."  Cricket received the worst scores of the young test.  Did they hold up?  Read on!
Grades: Aroma, 1; Fizz, 2.5; Smoothness, 1.25; Flavor, 1; Overall, 1.

Drew reacts with disgust to the taste of Cricket Cola.

D: Go2 Cola (Dominick's)

Go2 Cola, the house brand at Dominick's (made by Safeway), got scores pretty much befitting a grocery store house brand.  I noted little aroma and a "bitter aftertaste," but "decent cola flavor" nonetheless.  Drew called the flavor "weak" and the overall package "lacking in substance."
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 3.5; Smoothness, 2.25; Flavor, 2.5; Overall, 2.25.

"Yes, this certainly is a cola."

E: Coca-Cola

In case you were born 20 seconds ago, Coke is the most famous brand of cola - indeed, of soda - in the world, so I had been expecting to like it.  Take away the name, though, and Drew and I weren't tremendously impressed, handing out average scores.  Perhaps it was coming on the heels of a couple of weaker store brands (plus the vile Cricket), but I found Coke's taste to be especially strong, "with suggestions of herb or spice."  Drew called it "a subtle, dry soda with a light bite."  He gave it a 4.5 on smoothness, his highest drinkability score of the day, which at least tells you something.  Still, we were more than a little surprised to hear Coke's name called so early when Alma performed the eventual reveal.
Grades: Aroma, 2.25; Fizz, 3.25; Smoothness, 3.75; Flavor, 3.25; Overall, 3.

"Buh-whaaaa?"  The announcement of Coke as sample E draws shocked looks.

F: Max Cola (Jewel)

The last of the first testing group was Jewel's Max Cola, which also in retrospect got scores and comments befitting a store brand.  Drew called it "flat" and "poorly flavored," as well as "somewhat bitter."  I found it "an odd mix of bitter and tangy" and "not very cola-y," guessing that perhaps it was one of the more exotic entrants in the field.
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 2; Smoothness, 2.25; Flavor, 2.25; Overall, 2.

Testing action shot!  Warning: Do not view this image if you are pregnant or on medication!

G: Walgreens Cola

Just look at the label.  Would you expect anything from a soda that came in that package?  Yet Drew loved the Wal-Cola (as we took to calling it even though it doesn't say that on the label), giving it his top overall grade at the time (and tied for highest on the day), as well as his best flavor score of 4.5.  "Sweet, bold with a good kick" was his note on the flavor, and he guessed that this was Coke.  I wasn't quite as in love with it but handed out solid grades, finding a "mild tang" and a flavor that was "not too strong but with no bad flavor hits."  I also called it "perfectly drinkable."
Grades: Aroma, 2.75; Fizz, 4; Smoothness, 3.5; Flavor, 3.75; Overall, 3.75.

Walgreens!  Man, these reaction shots of me are really just terrible, aren't they?

H: Boylan

Boylan's Cane Cola was a late arrival to the party as we had thought we weren't going to be able to find it until Drew turned up a four-pack at the World Market on Broadway.  Drew had expected to like it the best, and indeed we gave it decent grades, although he thought that, being made with sugar cane, it was going to be very sweet, which really could not have been much further from the truth.  Drew thought it might have been China Cola, due to the "licorice aroma" and "strong, herbal" flavor.  I found it "very pungent" and "a bit strong" with an "almost root beer-like spice," which is kind of funny since Boylan's root beer was found to be pretty middling in our 2005 test.
Grades: Aroma, 3.25; Fizz, 3.5; Smoothness, 3.25; Flavor, 3.5; Overall, 3.5.

I don't really have anything for Boylan, so here's more of Drew's amused-but-shocked reaction to his preference for Wal-Cola.

I: Pepsi

Pepsi is the second-most famous brand of cola in the world, but while Coke got off with mediocre scores, Pepsi got somewhat pummeled.  It has a reputation for being sweeter and flatter, but I doubt the marketers would want people to think it was "mineral-y," as I found it to be.  Drew called it "poorly executed" with a "sour aftertaste" and actually guessed correctly that it was Pepsi, one of the few correct guesses between us that wasn't cripplingly obvious.  I wrote that this was "almost certainly a store brand," which you also won't be seeing in promotional material any time soon.
Grades: Aroma, 1.25; Fizz, 3.25; Smoothness, 2; Flavor, 2; Overall, 2.25.

It's Pepsi, and it's another terrible-looking reaction face from yours truly.  Why am I even including these things?

J: 365 (Whole Foods)

Drew and I didn't differ much in our scores for the Whole Foods house brand 365, but while I thought it tasted "kind of like watered-down Coke," Drew mentioned the "strange taste," "exotic aroma," and "unidentified herbs."  He thought this might have been the cola purchased at the Indian market on Devon.  Not so much, as it turned out.
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 3; Saltiness, 2; Spiciness, 2.5; Overall Flavor, 3.

Samples G through K, prepping for their moment in the sun.

K: Tab

Although we agreed early on that we weren't going to include diet colas, Drew insisted on putting Tab in the mix because he'd never had it, even as I kept insisting that it was diet and we were going to know it was diet (Drew's response at White Hen: "It doesn't say 'diet' on it!").  We finally agreed that if we could tell it apart we would use it only as a control, and if we couldn't we would salute it and let it take part.  As it turned out, we picked it out easily.  I found it to have a better cola aroma than some of the generic brands with sugar, but it was obvious once we tasted it.  My comment "this had better be Tab" pretty much sums up the feelings of both of us.
Grades: Not counted due to control, but overall score was 1.5.

A gorilla we invited to the test fills in his scoresheet.  They're smarter than you'd think!

L: Wildwood

Wildwood's root beer had gotten decent scores, but the cola was more susceptible to its generic nature.  I called it "watery, half-flat Coke," noting "some caffeine bite" but an unpleasant bitter aftertaste.  Drew found the cola lacking in sweetness, compared it to Tab in its "artificial" taste, and wound up by calling it "cheap."  Which it certainly was, so I guess you can't say he was off-base there.  Following the consumption of this sample, we hit our first bathroom break of the night.
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 2.25; Smoothness, 2.25; Flavor, 1.75; Overall, 2.

"Hello, Treasure Island?  Your cola sucks."

M: Coke Zero

The picture above was found online, rather than taken by me, because this can was sitting in the freezer and ended up exploding as Alma opened it.  We got only a tiny sample because of this, but I still pegged it as Coke Zero immediately.  As a result, this was left as a control.
Grades: Not counted due to control, but overall score was 2.

N: Ginseng Up

Drew and I brought back several sodas from a Thursday night trip to Mitsuwa, the Japanese superstore in Mount Prospect, but this was the only one that could be positively identified as cola.  (It says so right on the bottle, after all.)  We didn't think this had much chance to be more than okay - I guessed that Jewel Max Cola was Ginseng Up after not liking it - but it turned out to get some of the best scores of the day.  In fact, the only 4 grade I gave for the overall package was to this one, which I said had "subtle cola flavor with a good tang," giving it my highest grade for smoothness, and guessing that it was Coke.  Drew was slightly more reserved but he still gave it one of his three overall grades of 4, calling it "solid cola flavor" with "the right amount of sweetness."  Seriously, Ginseng Up!  Who knew?
Grades: Aroma, 3.5; Fizz, 3.75; Smoothness, 4; Flavor, 4; Overall, 4.

Ginseng Up!  Can you believe it?  Well, Captain Stupid-Looking here sure can't.

O: Faygo

Faygo was located by Drew at the Dollar Tree, so you wouldn't really think of it as a cola likely to be judged as "surprising" or "complex," but Drew used both those adjectives.  I said it had "a lot going on," with "subtle hints" of vanilla flavor, gave it a 4 on smoothness (my second-highest score of the day), and thought it might have contained sugar cane as it tasted sweeter than most.  Drew, however, judged it "not too sweet."  Despite our disagreement there, our scores were comparable.
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 3; Smoothness, 3.5; Flavor, 3.75; Overall, 3.5.

Bottoms up!

P: Diet Coke

We knew how many cola brands we'd bought, so when Alma ran the number of total samples to 22, we knew something was up.  I suspected she might have worked in Diet Coke, since I had a rogue bottle in the fridge, and so she had.  This was also used as a control since Drew and I picked it out with no problem.  This got a higher score than the other diets, possibly because we drink so much of it at work.
Grades: Not counted due to control, but overall score was 2.5.

Q: Coke and Pepsi mixed together

Tricksy, tricksy Alma.  As a control that wasn't an obvious diet, she poured Coke and Pepsi together.  Fortunately we didn't embarrass ourselves by praising it or anything.  I called it "standard" in flavor, "a tad tangy but also not strong" (sounds like a mix of those two, doesn't it?) and found that it resembled Coke in its tartness.  Drew thought it had a "dull, cheap taste" and guessed it was Wildwood.  In other words, I tasted more of the Coke and Drew tasted more of the Pepsi, at least based on our earlier rankings.  Interesting.
Grades: Aroma, 2.5; Fizz, 1.75; Smoothness, 3; Flavor, 2.5; Overall, 2.5.

Down the hatch.

R: GT Cola

GT is the low-on-the-totem-pole brand sold by Aldi, but it came out fairly well among the generics.  Drew and I both liked the fizz level, but called the overall pop "mediocre" and "standard" respectively.  I noted its generic aftertaste, but guessed wrongly that it might be RC.  Overall it scored as well as Coke, which is pretty good when a 2-liter costs 49 cents.
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 3.75; Smoothness, 3; Flavor, 2.5; Overall, 3.

"What the fuck is this?  Cola, you say?"

S: China Cola

I guessed ahead of time that China Cola - whose label promises "herbs" - would be the most different-tasting of the group.  Cricket probably sewed that up (not in a good way), but China Cola was definitely stronger than most.  I noted the "strong, spicy flavor" and pungent but sweet aroma, while Drew called the flavor "bold" and lauded the pop as a "mature, deep cola."  I tried to outthink Alma and guessed that this might have been a repeat of E (Coke) or H (Boylan), but was obviously wrong.  Overall China Cola did quite well.
Grades: Aroma, 4; Fizz, 4; Smoothness, 3.25; Flavor, 3.75; Overall, 3.75.

The China Cola aroma proved one of the most popular all night.

T: RC

Alma pulled the wool over our eyes again with this one.  RC had been the first one we tested, so it made sense to see how we felt about it late in the test.   In fact, we didn't rate it as highly.  My comments were mostly similar - I found sample T to have a "not too bad regular flavor," while I said that A "hits like a cola."  While I called A's aftertaste weak, though, I found T's a bit "chemical-y."  While I had given A a 4 on aroma, T got just a 1.5, which might be due to the can sitting open for an hour and a half or so between pours.  I also gave T a lower drinkability score.  Overall, though, T rated just half a grade lower, which again might be attributable to the whole sitting around open thing.  Drew's scores dropped even more precipitously, as he went from 3.5 to 2 overall, guessing that T was a mixture of Coke and Diet Coke (another failed attempt on our part to outthink the clever Alma).  Drew's aroma grade also dropped from 4 to 1.5 as had mine, so maybe open cans of cola just degrade in quality really fast.  Or maybe we suck.  Drew declared that he had "no credibility left" after Alma revealed the identity of T at the end of the test.  Overall our score dropped a full point from A to T.
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 3.25; Smoothness, 2; Flavor, 2.25; Overall, 2.25.

"Does this taste familiar to you?  Nah.  It's not as good as RC, that's for sure."

U: Thums Up

Thums Up gets a thumbs-down on spelling, but two big thumbs up on being interesting.  About two hours before the test, while Alma was at church, I made a run to Devon to look for Indian cola, and sure enough, I found some.  According to Wikipedia, Thums Up was introduced in the late 1970s as a cola drink to fill the void left when the government kicked Coke out (whyever that was); later it was bought out by Coke but kept in the game due to its name recognition.  So it's not quite "Indian Coke" but it's close enough.  At any rate, Drew and I weren't huge fans.  I found it flat and said it was "all right," but had "a bit too much spice."  Drew appreciated the aroma, but also found the taste a bit overspiced, calling it a "bad mixture."
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 2.25; Smoothness, 3; Flavor, 2; Overall, 2.5.

Clearly running low on gas here, towards the end of the test.

V: Blue Sky

Blue Sky doesn't even call its cola just cola, it has to call it "New Century Cola."  Maybe that's why its flavor was so off to us.  Drew described the aroma as "woodsy" and gave it a 3.5, but once he got the cola into his mouth his tune had changed, and he blasted the taste as "weird" and "unpleasant."  I didn't have much to say by this point in the test, but I called it "very herby" and didn't like it past the aroma either.
Grades: Aroma, 3.25; Fizz, 2.25; Smoothness, 1.75; Flavor, 1.25; Overall, 1.5.

Drew is taken aback by the "unpleasant" flavor of Blue Sky New Century Cola.

Finally!  Now that we've gone through 22 tests, how about a look back at the 19 non-diet samples and how they ranked?