The Great Root Beer Taste Test: Results

An astonishing 15 brands of root beer were judged in our "competition."  Below are the results for each of them; results are ordered by the blind letters they were assigned, i.e., the order in which they were tested.  A table organizing the results by "best" is linked at the bottom.  Scores range from 1 to 5, with 5 being the best and half-grades in play (Alma wanted me to do it from 0 to 4, but it just looked weird to me).  The numbers talked about in the individual capsules refer to the average of scores given by Drew and myself unless otherwise noted.

Samples A through E sit on the counter, waiting to be tested.

A: Wildwood

This one we stumbled upon pretty much by accident; we were at Treasure Island looking for other varieties and came across it.  It appears to be a store brand (at least, it's got a can design like a generic), but it came out a bit better than that in our taste test.  I noted its "high spiciness," though that probably ended up being an overreaction compared to some.  Drew, also easily impressed in the first test, guessed that it was Barq's.  Our overall score was 3.5, a solid opening score.
Grades: Aroma, 4; Fizz, 3; Saltiness, 2.75; Spiciness, 3.75; Overall Flavor, 3.5.

Alma fills up one of the sample cups and gets a picture of it at the same time.  Now that's multitasking!

B: Hires

I didn't expect to see Hires around here since I never had before; it seemed like a relic from my years growing up on the East Coast.  Treasure Island had a fridge pack of cans, though, so we had to pick it up.  Drew and I were both excited to get Hires involved, but Alma was snickering privately as she listened to us bash it in the test.  While we both liked the level of fizz in the drink, Drew described it as tasting "cheap," while I called it "fairly weak."  Our overall grade was a mere 2.25.
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 4.25; Saltiness, 2.75; Spiciness, 1.5; Overall Flavor, 2.25.

Drew and I react to the news that Hires turned out to be one of our least favorites.

C: Goose Island

Goose Island was one of the local "microbrews" that was included in the test.  While it got fairly strong ratings, it was perhaps slightly underwhelming considering the local rep.  I found it to have almost no aroma at all, and neither Drew nor I was impressed with the level of fizz.  However, we both found it to have good spiciness (I tasted cinnamon for the first of several times), and Drew described its overall taste as "not bold, but flavorful."
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 2; Saltiness, 2.75; Spiciness, 4; Overall Flavor, 3.75.

I reach for the next sample.

D: Stewart's

Stewart's was a bit of a split decision.  I gave it what were, through four tests, my highest across-the-board marks to that point, including an overall rating of 4 out of 5, and noted that I tasted some nutmeg.  Drew's numbers were closer to average, and he described himself as "unimpressed."
Grades: Aroma, 3.5; Fizz, 3.25; Saltiness, 3.75; Spiciness, 3.75; Overall Flavor, 3.5.

Drew engaged in the testing process.

E: Gale's

This may have been the only one where we were able to accurately guess which brand it was, largely because the bottle promised cinnamon and we sure got that.  I wrote "good cinnamon nose" (the nerdy wine-like term for aroma, in case anyone was confused) and "very cinnamony," while Drew raved, "Miles from ordinary!" and commented both on the "cinnamon and vanilla" and the "interesting texture," whatever that was supposed to mean.  The overall score of 4.25 put Gale's atop the leaderboard through the first round of testing.
Grades: Aroma, 4.25; Fizz, 3.75; Saltiness, 3; Spiciness, 4.75; Overall Flavor, 4.25.

Samples F through J await testing and consumption.

F: IBC

This ended up being my favorite root beer of the day and my only 5 score for overall flavor.  It also got my only 5 for fizz level, and I noted that IBC was "exactly what you want in a standard root beer" and that it was "the perfect root beer for floats."  Drew was not as blown away, but he did describe it as having a "robust aftertaste."  With an overall flavor score of 4.5, IBC became the taste leader in the clubhouse.
Grades: Aroma, 3.25; Fizz, 4.25; Saltiness, 3; Spiciness, 3.75; Overall Flavor, 4.5.

A look of intense concentration during a tasting.

G: Barq's

If there's one thing any TV viewer knows about root beer, it's that Barq's has bite.  This was borne out in the test, as it turned out to be one of the best we sampled.  I noted the "big nutmeg nose" and "licorice-like aftertaste," though despite my distaste for black licorice the moderate use of anise in flavoring root beer has never bothered me much.  Drew was even kinder, calling it "sweet and salty" and providing one of the best compliments of the day when he called it "the archetypal root beer."  (Though interestingly, we differed on the spice level - I enjoyed it greatly and gave one of only two 5s in the category, while Drew gave only a 3.5, finding it sweeter overall and somewhat contradicting the notion of "bite.")  Drew was even more surprised when he found out which one he'd been talking about, as his recollection of Barq's from previous encounters had been that he didn't like it that much.
Grades: Aroma, 3.75; Fizz, 4; Saltiness, 3.5; Spiciness, 4.25; Overall Flavor, 4.25.

Drew inhales the aroma before tasting the sample.

H: Jewel

If there was one root beer we expected to be fairly mediocre, it was the Jewel store brand, and it hardly disappointed.  Though I liked the fizz level to a 4.5 score, I gave it average scores and described it as "pedestrian, but affable" - it perhaps ended up being a little better than I expected, but not by too much.  Drew was much less kind in his scores, giving none higher than a 2, though he proceeded to comment that it was "a savory, adult root beer," which sounds positive but I think was actually him bashing the lack of sweetness.
Grades: Aroma, 1; Fizz, 3; Saltiness, 2.25; Spiciness, 2.25; Overall Flavor, 2.25.

A hearty "hm" to the news that I found Jewel's store-brand root beer "pedestrian, but affable."

I: Sprecher

Sprecher was one of two in a row that got pretty much average marks across the board.  Drew and I both tasted vanilla in it, while I tasted nutmeg as well; I had no other comment while Drew noted that it was "sweet" and reminded him of cream soda.  My scores, which fluctuated much more than Drew's, reflect that I didn't think much of the fizz level (it was a bit flat-tasting despite coming straight from the bottle), but I did like the spiciness, giving it a 4.5.
Grades: Aroma, 2; Fizz, 1.75; Saltiness, 3.25; Spiciness, 3.75; Overall Flavor, 3.5.

Drew and I contemplate the latest sample.  I swear this wasn't staged.

J: Cubby Bear

As we drove to pick up Alma, we passed the Cubby Bear, whose outer marquee was actually touting its root beer.  Imagine our luck when we proceeded to find a single six-pack sitting on the shelf at Jewel, almost as though someone from the bar had come in and just left it there à la Mitch Hedberg.  Drew and I were not particularly impressed, both suggesting it was fairly ordinary stuff; I referred to it as "standard flavor but solid," while Drew was humorously elitist in his dismissal, calling it a "proletariat root beer."  He guessed, incorrectly, that it was A&W.
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 3; Saltiness, 2; Spiciness, 2.5; Overall Flavor, 3.

This awkward shot, in which Drew is high-fiving an apparently headless version of me, wasn't staged at all.

K: Mug

I always liked Mug when it was the only root beer that came out of the vending machines in college, but time has apparently not been that kind.  It got pretty much average scores across the board, and I was disappointed with the flavor, calling it "a little watery."  Drew went into more detail, noting that the sample had "a sour spiciness [which] fades to a saccharine sweetness."  I was pleased with the aroma but little else really caught the senses.
Grades: Aroma, 3.75; Fizz, 3; Saltiness, 2; Spiciness, 3.25; Overall Flavor, 3.

Drew reacts with mild surprise to the revelation that we had given Mug fairly low marks.

L: Virgil's

During one of the breaks in between rounds of five samples, Drew told me that we would know Virgil's when we tasted it because it was strong and not very sweet at all.  Later he confessed that he hadn't had Virgil's in nearly a decade, which explains how he could have been so far off the mark.  Both of us could tell right from the aroma that this particular brand was very different from anything we'd had so far, and indeed we called it "sugary-sweet," "very sugary," and "syrupy."  I used the word "candyfloss" and later suggested that it tasted like root beer that had been brewed in a cotton candy machine without cleaning the inside first.  Drew felt similarly but was relatively pleased by what he called its "very different" taste.  Virgil's slogan actually is "So rich you'll swear it was made in heaven," so perhaps the sugary sweetness can be attributed to the main ingredient, angel blood.
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 4; Saltiness, 1.75; Spiciness, 3.5; Overall Flavor, 3.25.

Drew tries to play down his wrongness while I laugh after Alma informs us that the sweet stuff was Virgil's.

M: A&W

Craig suggested to me before the test that A&W draft root beer was the best stuff ever.  A&W in a bottle, even though it was supposed to emulate the draft stuff, didn't measure up in our test.  Drew and I both thought the samples were more reminiscent of cola than they were of root beer, Drew going so far as to grouse, "If no one told me this was root beer, I wouldn't be able to guess."  I also declared it "bland and watery," and was disappointed in the fizz level.  With an overall grade of 1.5, it was my least favorite of the day; Drew gave it a 2, near the bottom for him as well.
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 2; Saltiness, 2.75; Spiciness, 2.25; Overall Flavor, 1.75.

Faces during taste tests don't get much more stupid-looking than this one, my, sadly, genuine look of incredulity after finding out that the root beer I liked least of all was A&W, arguably the most famous brand in the world.

N: Boylan

Boylan got perhaps the most "damning with faint praise" scores of the day; it was pretty much average numerical scores across the board (none of the ten was higher than 3.5 and only two were lower than 2.5), and the comments reflected that.  Drew called it "generic," then mitigated that by proclaiming it "eminently drinkable," while I reversed the order of praise, declaring it "passable but undistinguished."
Grades: Aroma, 2.5; Fizz, 2.5; Saltiness, 3.25; Spiciness, 2.5; Overall Flavor, 3.

While pouring the samples, Alma snapped this artistic shot of vapors escaping the freshly-opened Boylan bottle.

O: Berghoff

A local brand from a brewery that also makes beer, Drew had declared that he wasn't a big fan of their alcoholic output, but they made up for it by producing the root beer that he judged to be the best of the day, giving it his only 5 grade for overall flavor and calling it "sweet" and "woodsy."  Although none of my scores in the specific categories were very high, I nonetheless enjoyed the overall flavor despite its relatively generic nature, describing it as "quite sweet but not problematically so" and having a "very solid root beer flavor."  Clearly it's a good thing to be spicy, salty, and unique, but the two highest-rated sodas were actually fairly standard in flavor and just did it really well.
Grades: Aroma, 3.5; Fizz, 3; Saltiness, 3; Spiciness, 3.25; Overall Flavor, 4.75.

The fridge overflows with the various root beer bottles.  And I guess there's some food in there, too.

How about a recap of that?  Click here for tables that actually organize the ratings.