Root Beer Taste Test 2: The Rootening - Results

We tested an astonishing 25 brands of root beer in the test, comprised of 23 new brands and two holdovers for comparison's sake.  Below are the results for each of them; results are ordered by the blind letters they were assigned, i.e., the order in which they were tested.  A table organizing the results by "best" is linked at the bottom.  Scores range from 1 to 5, with 5 being the best and half-grades in play.  The numbers talked about in the individual capsules refer to the average of scores given by Drew and myself unless otherwise noted.

Alma pours a sample cup of sample C, Bulldog.

A: Market Pantry (Target)

Either we continued our trend of probably overrating the first sample, or Target makes a pretty good house brand root beer.  In this case it might well have been the former, as Drew's first post-taste comments were, "What I'm thinking is, I really like root beer."  We both noted a good amount of licorice in the nose, with Drew comparing it to the anise-heavy Barq's; I liked the bubbles and sweetness, as well as the wintergreen on the back end.  Still, we both thought it had a little less kick than we might have liked.  Drew nevertheless hailed it as a "classic root beer."
Grades: Aroma, 3.5; Fizz, 3.75; Creaminess, 3.75; Spiciness, 3.5; Overall Flavor, 3.5.

Drew recording his thoughts on sample A, the Target house brand.

B: 365 (Whole Foods)

As you might expect from an organic supermarket, Whole Foods' house brands have not done that well with us.  The cola got mediocre grades and the root beer fared even worse.  Drew pummeled it with an overall 1.5, declaring it "not a good flavor."  I found the flavor merely "thin," but "too heavy on the wintergreen" and with a "bitter aftertaste."
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 1.75; Creaminess, 2; Spiciness, 2; Overall Flavor, 1.75.

"Hey... hey.  I can see you over there.  Quit writing 'I smell' all over my response form."

C: Bulldog

For reasons that I've forgotten now, I was sure that Bulldog was going to end up being my favorite - I think Drew accidentally thought he saw Alma pouring it before a round that had my best grade in it, and I figured it was good enough to be the one.  In actuality... maybe not so much.  I think I've become too used to high fructose corn syrup, because I haven't been a big fan of sodas made with cane sugar.  This was one such.  I found the taste "heavy on vanilla" and "almost eggy, to the detriment of other flavors" while Drew appreciated some aspects of it but ultimately felt the taste was "overpowering" and "almost sour."  Drew appreciated the "thick and creamy" consistency, but overall mostly agreed with my appraisal that there was "little spice or rootiness."
Grades: Aroma, 2; Fizz, 3; Creaminess, 3.75; Spiciness, 1.5; Overall Flavor, 2.5.

Just once, I'd like to register a look of surprise that doesn't involve looking like a total doofus.

D: Jones

Considering how easy it is to find Jones Soda usually, I had a devil of a time finding their root beer, culminating in a "hilarious" episode where I stared at a Target shelf for ten minutes trying to find it, walked away disappointed, then came back five minutes later on a whim to find several 12-packs sitting there.  We caught Jones before they switched to cane sugar, but it didn't matter much.  I found the fizz "kind of flat" and the overall taste "fairly thin," while Drew rather amusingly described it as "quaffable but unsatisfying."  He concluded, "Not what I look for in a root beer."
Grades: Aroma, 2.25; Fizz, 2; Creaminess, 2.25; Spiciness, 2.75; Overall Flavor, 2.25.

An artful pour by Alma, who I think may be angling to turn this whole thing into a performance art piece next year.

E: Natural Brew

Perhaps unsurprisingly, another "natural" root beer earned the worst scores of the first group and some of the worst overall.  I was beginning to regret reading up on root beer ingredients as the wintergreen I had never specifically noticed before was suddenly present in nearly every sample, but particularly here, where I found it "heavy" in the aroma.  We both noted the taste as oddly "fruity," and while Drew found it "creamy," he didn't care for the "strong" spices, while I called the back end "bitter" and declared, "No thanks!"
Grades: Aroma, 2.25; Fizz, 1.5; Creaminess, 3.75; Spiciness, 1.25; Overall Flavor, 1.5.

My roommate Katie was making banana bread at the same time as the test, so we took most of the samples into the living room to avoid confusing the root beer aroma with the smell of the banana bread.  This shot is just to prove that the last sentence was not a complete fabrication.

F: Dog 'n' Suds

Drew was positive this would be his favorite, though I think he just liked the name and hoped it would be great.  It was fine, overall, but it was kind of "undistinguished," to use Drew's word.  I thought it had "decent spicing" but was "not punchy."  Drew mostly agreed with that assessment but worded it a bit more positively, calling it a "classic-tasting, sweeter root beer."
Grades: Aroma, 3.25; Fizz, 3.5; Creaminess, 3; Spiciness, 3.5; Overall Flavor, 3.

"Dog 'n' Suds: in the case of which root beer Drew liked the best, you are... not the root beer."

G: Blue Sky Organic

Blue Sky's cola was gross, but their root beers were grosser.  The organic sample came first, rather oddly titled "Root Beer Encore," which might be a euphemism for when you hork it back up immediately after drinking.  I called it "awful" and noted a lack of rootiness that made it more "like a wintergreen cola."  Drew also made the cola comparison and noted the "awful blend of spices" and "rotten aftertaste."  My feelings were summed up by the comment that this was "like chewing gum while drinking root beer."
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 2.75; Creaminess, 2; Spiciness, 1; Overall Flavor, 1.

Yes, Blue Sky really is this bad.

H: Blue Sky

Blue Sky's non-organic offering fared little better.  I called it "bitter" and "watery," while Drew muttered, "This had better be a store brand."  We found barely any flavor in it at all; Drew summed up the way in which this was even worse than its organic counterpart by unintentionally mimicking my comments on the organic, saying that this one was "like soda water sipped with a stick of gum."
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 2.75; Creaminess, 1.5; Spiciness, 1.25; Overall Flavor, 1.25.

more like blew sky lol guyz amirite

I: Dr. Brown's

I'm a big fan of Dr. Brown's Black Cherry, which I used to get at the Millburn Deli all the time, and though their Cel-Ray variety is an affront to humanity, I was expecting decent things out of their root beer.  I didn't like it much better than average, though, and Drew liked it even less.  I found it "relatively sweet" and tasted "lots of wintergreen and licorice," but Drew found it "medicinal and bittersweet."  The aftertaste, holding a lot of wintergreen, was "pleasant" to me but "low on complexity."  Drew was overall dissatisfied with what he found to be an "herbal" taste and compared the soda to "a liquid Ricola."
Grades: Aroma, 2.25; Fizz, 3.75; Creaminess, 2.5; Spiciness, 2.25; Overall Flavor, 2.25.

"Well, shit, is that guy even a real doctor?  I don't know what to believe anymore."

J: Hansen's

Hansen's was yet another "natural" offering that didn't come out too well.  Drew found it "sweeter" and "creamy," but also declared that it had "almost no kick" and ultimately pronounced it "uninspiring."  I found less to like, calling it an "odd mixture of sweet and bitter" with "no real spiciness."  Aside from a decent creaminess score, it got about as bad scores across the board from me as did anything.
Grades: Aroma, 1.5; Fizz, 2.25; Creaminess, 3.25; Spiciness, 1.5; Overall Flavor, 2.

Samples F through J, awaiting consumption.

K: Frostie

Drew was also excited about Frostie, but as with Dog 'n' Suds, it simply turned out to be too pedestrian to earn high marks from us.  Drew called it "sweeter" and "perfectly drinkable," while I found it a "solid, pleasant root beer" with a "light, creamy aftertaste."  That all sounds pretty good, but overall this just meant average scores to us, due to what I called the "minimal punch."  It was one of those more classic root beers that you wash down drive-in food with, but while those are fine in their element, in a test like this we just needed more.
Grades: Aroma, 2.25; Fizz, 3.75; Creaminess, 3.75; Spiciness, 2.75; Overall Flavor, 3.

Well, if you're going to drink all that pop, you have to work some fiber in there, too.

L: Walgreens

Once again, Walgreens surprised us with the competence they displayed in their soda-making.  Though our comments seemed kind of uninspired - I noted that the flavor was dominated by nutmeg with "not a lot else going on," though I liked the "big vanilla aftertaste," while Drew liked the "rooty" flavor - we found the aggressive spicing to be a positive thing in the end.  I'm not entirely sure at this point what he meant by this at the time, but Drew ended by suggesting that this "deserves its own category," perhaps due to the level of spice (which he called "almost like pepper") seeming to differentiate it from regular root beers.
Grades: Aroma, 2.75; Fizz, 3.5; Creaminess, 3.5; Spiciness, 3.75; Overall Flavor, 3.5.

You have to love Drew's expression here.  "Shit, not Walgreens again!"

M: Wild Oats

This one drew an oddly mixed reaction.  I groused, "Seems almost identical to B," and given that Whole Foods announced later in the month that it was buying Wild Oats, this may not have been a total coincidence. (Although actually, the merger has still not been allowed as the FTC seeks to block it, claiming it would constitue a virtual monopoly in the organic market area.  That's why you're reading this, right?  For the hard business news?)  I didn't write anything else, so I couldn't have liked it much.  Drew thought it "could use more sugar, or something" but otherwise liked it, though his notes compare it to Frostie, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me based on that comment.  Even more oddly, our opinions of the fizz level diverged widely, as I rated it 1.5 (which usually means thin or almost flat) while he gave it a 4 and noted it was "heavy on the fizz."  Maybe I found it too fizzy?  The downside of waiting five months to actually compile this is that nuances like that are totally lost to the ages.  At any rate, his grades were more on the average side.
Grades: Aroma, 1.75; Fizz, 2.75; Creaminess, 3; Spiciness, 1.75; Overall Flavor, 2.5.

Drew in the banana-bread-aroma-less living room, tasting the next sample.

N: Dad's

Drew had been most disappointed by the lack of Dad's in the first test, since it's a well-known national brand that we were inexplicably unable to find.  It was probably around this point in the test that I started to wonder how much I actually liked root beer.  I found Dad's "sweet" and "fairly creamy," with "cinnamon or cloves in the aftertaste," but gave it average scores across the board.  Drew did similar but was a bit harder on it in the comments, suggesting that it was stuck in the middle of the flavor spectrum and needed "either more spice or sugar."  He was also not enamored of the "poor aftertaste."
Grades: Aroma, 3.25; Fizz, 3; Creaminess, 3.5; Spiciness, 2.5; Overall Flavor, 3.

Hey, thanks for shaving for the test, Flaxman.  Yeah, glad you got cleaned up for these 50 photos we're taking.

O: Point Premium

I had had Point Premium once before and found it fine, so we were left wondering if we'd gotten a bad batch after this bizarrely awful experience.  Drew and I found vinegar in both the aroma and taste, and I also described an "odd fruitiness" before pronouncing it "just awful" and grumbling that it had "better be Blue Sky."  Drew was even more upset, comparing the taste to "cooking wine" and proclaiming it the "worst root beer ever" and "an affront to all sodas!"  (Exclamation mark his.)  I'd like to try it again to confirm my suspicion that we just had a bad batch, but frankly I'm a little scared to after this.
Grades: Aroma, 1; Fizz, 2; Creaminess, 1.75; Spiciness, 1; Overall Flavor, 1.

"But I usually love vinegar!"

P: Henry Weinhard's

We started the fourth of five groups with this one, which I described as smelling "like a root beer."  I enjoyed it pretty well - while I found "no rootiness to speak of," it was "very sweet" and "quite creamy" with a "pleasing taste."  Drew also found surprisingly little spice, but loved it anyway, giving it a 5 for creaminess - insanely, this was the only 5 grade either of us would give out in any category.  He compared the taste to "a float" and pronounced it "so creamy" and "delicious."
Grades: Aroma, 3.25; Fizz, 3.75; Creaminess, 4.75; Spiciness, 2.25; Overall Flavor, 4.

"Spell 'Weinhard' for me again?"

Q: Windy City

Windy City's label looks like it was made in someone's garage, and it sort of tastes that way, too.  I found it to have an "initial bitterness" that "fades into a surprisingly sweet aftertaste," and was disappointed in the "thin spice" and "little kick."  Drew felt similarly, saying it had "too much of an edge," though to him it tasted "first sweet, then bitter."  He ultimately declared that it "tastes cheap."
Grades: Aroma, 2.75; Fizz, 3; Creaminess, 1.75; Spiciness, 2; Overall Flavor, 2.5.

The number on the shirt represents the number of brands we probably should have stopped with.

R: Sioux City

This one came out fairly average.  I called it "okay but not spectacular" thanks to a "sweet, minty flavor" and "maybe some vanilla."  Drew liked the "sweetness," but thought it "could be rootier" and thought it was too "flat with no kick."  You wouldn't think a root beer that name-checks the Old West would have trouble by being not spicy enough, but there's the proof.
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 1.5; Creaminess, 3.25; Spiciness, 1.75; Overall Flavor, 3.

Drew looks pissed, and I look incredulous.  I have no idea what brand this was in reaction to, but it probably could have been like half of them.

S: Blumer's

This one was far and away my favorite, receiving a full point higher for overall flavor than did anything else.  My full review of the taste was a "spicy lead" fading to a "honey vanilla finish," which I pronounced "delightful."  Drew liked it as well, calling it a "good mix" of sweet and spicy, and pronouncing it a "classy" root beer.  Ultimately, Blumer's took the lead in the clubhouse, just ahead of Henry Weinhard's.
Grades: Aroma, 4; Fizz, 3; Creaminess, 4.25; Spiciness, 3.5; Overall Flavor, 4.25.

Not sure why I'm so excited to have chosen Blumer's as my favorite.  Maybe I was just relieved I didn't wind up loving some shitty store brand.

T: Hank's

We both found Hank's to have a lot of vanilla, which perhaps is the "Philadelphia style" indicated on the label.  It was "sweet but thin" to my mouth, while Drew found it "sweet" but "with little kick" and declared that it "could have more flavor."  I also found the spice blend to have "a little bitterness," though overall there wasn't much spice in the taste or aroma.
Grades: Aroma, 2; Fizz, 3; Creaminess, 3.25; Spiciness, 2; Overall Flavor, 3.

"Oh yeah, I could totally drink at least zero more cups of root beer."

U: Black Bear

An impulse trip to Wisconsin netted us only a plastic 20-ouncer of Black Bear, which left us disappointed and feeling that Black Bear needed to live up to its printed slogan - "Gotta love the Bear!" - to have justified the drive.  And relative to most of the field, it did.  Drew found it "a creamy, savory root beer with a hint of vanilla," and pronounced it "a solid offering."  I was a bit less positive, calling it "a bit too salty for my liking" and noting that the "rootiness [is] mostly in [the] finish," while it "leads almost like cola."  Still, it got mostly above-average grades between us.
Grades: Aroma, 3; Fizz, 3.5; Creaminess, 3.5; Spiciness, 2.5; Overall Flavor, 3.25.

"I guess you do gotta love the Bear!"

V: Faygo

Faygo cola had scored pretty well, but no such luck with the root beer, although it's certainly possible that we'd just had too much by this point.  I found this one, like so many others, to be "fairly sweet" with "little rootiness."  Drew agreed with my appraisal of the flavor as mostly a combination of wintergreen and anise, but to him the whole blend was "spicy and bitter," with "too much of a bite" making the whole thing "unpleasant."
Grades: Aroma, 2.5; Fizz, 3.5; Creaminess, 2.75; Spiciness, 1.75; Overall Flavor, 2.25.

"Please tell me we're almost done."
"This was your idea, dumbass."
"...okay, but please tell me we're almost done."

W: Boylan Natural

Original Boylan had average scores, but perhaps representing our distaste for cane sugar, the natural variety was mostly panned.  I found it to have "little rootiness or kick" and declared it "sickly sweet," which was definitely a reaction to the cane sugar.  Drew also disliked the sweetness, as well as the "bizarre blend of spices," and summed it up by calling it "poor execution."
Grades: Aroma, 2; Fizz, 2.5; Creaminess, 3; Spiciness, 1.75; Overall Flavor, 1.75.

Drew and I wait for another name to be called during the reveal portion of the test.

X: A&W

In the first root beer taste test - now almost two full years ago - A&W had finished DFL in overall flavor, which came as a shock to me because of the brand name.  Perhaps it had a stronger crop to face off against that time, or perhaps the canned version is better than the plastic bottled version we used in 2005, but this time we gave it pretty much exactly average grades.  I called it "decent" while Drew described it as "generic" and a "Plain Jane root beer."  Its low grade the first time may have been explained by my comment that the "first taste [is] very likable, but subsequent sips reveal [a] watery finish."  Nevertheless, its overall grade of 3 was a marked improvement over the 1.75 it got the first time.
Grades: Aroma, 2.25; Fizz, 3.5; Creaminess, 3.25; Spiciness, 3; Overall Flavor, 3.

"Aw, jeez... this time we almost liked it?"

Y: Berghoff

We wanted to include the first and last place finishers from 2005, so Berghoff joined A&W as repeat entrants.  And, surprise, Berghoff ended up falling back to the pack.  This one may really have been affected by where in the test it came - 25th out of 25, by which point we were pretty tired of root beer - as I would have thought the glass bottle we used this time would be an improvement over the plastic bottle from last time.  Whyever it happened, Berghoff failed to defend its title.  I called it "fairly creamy, but exceedingly average otherwise," and Drew felt almost identically, describing it as "run-of-the-mill, aside from a rich creamy finish."
Grades: Aroma, 2.5; Fizz, 3.25; Creaminess, 4.25; Spiciness, 2.25; Overall Flavor, 3.

"Aaaaaand... there goes the last of our credibility."

Are you as tired after wading through all those recaps as Drew and I were after drinking all the root beer?  Then let's see the rankings!